You think you’re better than me? A guy in a bear costume with a ranger hat and hollow eyes. You think because you live in New Jersey you won’t be affected by micro-particles floating south from fires in Canada?… more
You think you’re better than me? A guy in a bear costume with a ranger hat and hollow eyes. You think because you live in New Jersey you won’t be affected by micro-particles floating south from fires in Canada?… more
Johnny asked if my father had fought in the war. I told him my uncle had died in it, so my father didn’t have to fight. He asked if my father was yellow. “No,” I said. “My father can kill your father,” he said. “He killed lots of people in the war,” he added. “Said it was nothing.” I became concerned Johnny and his father were planning to kill my father.… more
Five miles of Saharan-scale dunes along the Carolina seashore. So hot and vast, signs warned at the tourist parking: you have no way of expecting just how daunting and dangerous this walk will be. … more
“How about you tell me your phone number and I will add up and multiply all the digits for you in less than two seconds.” Her forehead gave way to a frown. “Woah, bit early to be giving out phone numbers isn’t it, Dave?”… more
You had tried, you really had. Yoga, meditation, bird walks, volunteering, stand-up comedy, stand-up comedy! Dating, abstinence, forgiveness, self-love (too much?), anti-gun rallies, pro-gun rallies, rainbow flag rallies, deep bows to all Four Directions for all you weren’t. … more
When they arrived, it was more like a scene from Halloween as opposed to Christmas. The broken reindeer looked forlorn on the lawn, almost as melancholy as the faerie lights, half dangling from the gutter. However, the abject look on Dan’s face as he opened the door quickly turned to relief. The whispers of, “It’s bad, really bad.” … more
“It’s not just Margaret who wanted me to get an erection taser,” I tell him, “I wanted me to get one.”… more
I love you like the first sip of White Claw / the last toke on a spliff / but without you I’m an unloved TikTok dance / a husked soul with spaghetti arms / open & ready for you / so take me back / the viraless meme that I am.… more
Daddy said I need to defend the house now that I’m the man and if I put a sock over this bat, the bad guys grab the sock but not the bat. See? Then I can bash em.… more
They call you the “Flying Squirrel.” It’s a stupid moniker, one you used to try to drop. Back when you cared about those kinds of things. You used to care about a lot of things you’ve sacrificed over the years, along with your pride, your relationship with your son, and plenty of your brain cells.… more