The contrast of this monochromatic life is startling. We will eventually change our funeral attire and change the lens to gain a wider perspective, not so zoomed in on this noir summer of waiting, of letting go.… more
The contrast of this monochromatic life is startling. We will eventually change our funeral attire and change the lens to gain a wider perspective, not so zoomed in on this noir summer of waiting, of letting go.… more
They’re prepping him for surgery now. IVs inserted in matchstick veins, secured with tape, fluids dripping at a hypnotic rate. “You’re going to feel a prick,” the nurse alerts him as she aims yet another needle at him like a dart. I am a prick, he thinks.… more
Let me pretend that my dad didn’t storm our house, kick our front door until it caved in, nor did he stab it with a steak knife. That as I peered outside, barefoot and confused, the police officer hadn’t noticed me. Pretend I didn’t see my mom holding her head in her hands and rocking back and forth, and that I never heard her say, he’s going to kill us, he’s going to kill us.… more
The day after you died our son watched Star Trek. I thought it was odd because he never had before. The episode was about an invisible spaceship entity that wanted to die. The crew of the Enterprise had to give up trying to save it.… more
Here is the wish I’m ashamed of—that you were the type of grandparent who had a fun nickname like Papa or Gramps, who came to my dance recitals, who called me on my birthday. Who would have intervened, gotten to know me, before it was too late and dementia stole all but your oldest memories. Leaving me with the responsibility to build this relationship that had never fully bloomed. … more
Thrusting your own weight means thrusting a lot. Thrusting because of how it affects your body, not just by changing it, but putting it in proximity with other thrusting bodies. Thrusting because no weight on a bar feels heavier than lonesomeness in your abdomen.… more
Our father studied geology and psychology. Was a science teacher, until students proved alien. A stint in the Air Force as potential NASA pathway. Gravity defeated him, exacted its price for warp speed.… more
I prayed to the Hair Gods, and they, in their mysterious follicle wonder, sent me an angel dressed in DOC tans with a lazy eye who offered shampoo and conditioner.… more
My daughter ambles away from the little boy carrying two toy guns and a toy crossbow in a tiny toy holster, calling “Hey, hey” to her at the playground beside the bay. I usually encourage her to introduce herself, explain what she’s doing and invite other kids to join in, but today I don’t.… more
The man sent thinly veiled declarations of love, and detailed accounts of his struggles with unmedicated depression, with his hopes for improvement pinned squarely on my mother returning his affections. But when I asked what had become of him, she simply shrugged. The letters stopped coming.… more