Tag Archives: Humor

Visit Clearwater Beach!

Visit Clearwater Beach!

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Don’t blame yourself that you expected the bartender’s age to equate to maturity. It’s not your fault that your dad died four months ago and he never showed you an example of a good man anyway. It’s not your fault that you’re the worst kind of cliche now.more

What Danza Did to Dad

What Danza Did to Dad

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We all get up and go outside to finish the deal. I bring my slice along to watch, folded because we’re in New York and when in Rome. Outside, it’s seventy-five degrees. Tony’s jacket seems excessive, but, hey, he’s the boss.  more

Little Rambo’s Fang

Little Rambo’s Fang

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His parents called him Little Rambo because he liked watching Stallone manhandle the bad guys on an old VHS tape. He rewound the tape over and over until he copied Rambo’s posture the right way and shot his own little arrow through the air into mimosa trees lining their property. He ran through the woods and jumped over fallen pine, charging after imaginary enemies, calling out and telling them that he was coming for them.more

Soft Talk

Soft Talk

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I just started talking to myself. I’m not sure it’s a good thing.more

Visitations

Visitations

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It occurred to him to kiss her on her sleeping check, but he couldn’t shake the thought that the gloss of vodka on his lips would leave a permanent sanitized mark, a bleached, diamond-shaped tag that would mar her face for life. So he closed her door and stumbled down the hall to the kitchen to top himself off.more

Googly Eyes

Googly Eyes

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If Jeff hadn’t told folks it was my birthday damn-near every time we went out to eat growing up, I’d have thought someone got cute with their lighter games in Bob Evans and things had gotten out of hand. more

In the Event of My Death (Nancy, Do Not Read)

In the Event of My Death (Nancy, Do Not Read)

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If Nancy and I aren’t still together when I die, I’d like whatever girl I’m with to wear a black cocktail dress and one of those sexy hats Jackie Kennedy wore. Make sure Nancy gets invited.more

My Girlfriend

My Girlfriend

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My girlfriend has more money than I will make in my entire lifetime–one hundred lives. She’s ambitious and self-made. The handbag boutique, which bears her name in New York, Tokyo and Milan, sold for $45 million. That’s a lot of money, but not enough money to get someone killed and get away with it. Not that she wants someone killed—just saying.more

Holy Thoughts

Holy Thoughts

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Catholic, Jewish, Mormon, or Muslim–boys will be boys.more

Remote Controls and Menus (XVII)

Remote Controls and Menus (XVII)

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Things that go hand and hand – like professional wrestling and pornography.more