Honestly, I thought I meant more to Neil. For every orgasm, from his shady teenage fumblings in sullied sheets to the creation of both his sons, I was there. Always reliable. Plugging away. Doing my prostate thing.… Continue Reading
We die, he says. Utters that last syllable bombastically—spits it out with firework freshness, so much so that I swear I can see the concept of death colliding with his premature psyche, making its meteoric crater in the smooth terrain of his young and innocent mind.… Continue Reading
What forty-three-year-old husband with a teen who just passed her written driver’s test and has only liberal arts colleges on her list to visit should be thinking about changing careers? And who is he to think any of this rumination will get him anywhere?… Continue Reading
After her daughter was accepted into the top-ranked university in the country, my sister-in-law—ex-sister-in-law—took up the habit of disagreeing with me about things I wasn’t even trying to agree on.… Continue Reading
It would not be a stretch to say that Sabir Khalilov was the sole architect of his own downfall. Known as much for his brazen antics as for his paintings, Khalilov had finally and spectacularly lost the plot.… Continue Reading
What I’ve learned and am still learning is to be more lean. To always be trimming the fat and to only give the bare necessities. When I’m using a microscope instead of telescope is when I think I’m working at my best. … Continue Reading
“Don’t you touch that!” Dad warned. But I licked my finger and stuck it to the electric-blue bug zapper anyway. Nothing happened. He said the same about the Teflon pan on the stove, the copperhead with a bulging belly.… Continue Reading
Everyone says Samson is dumb as a rock, that he’d let Delilah braid his hair and tie him to the bedpost if she asked. Everyone laughs. Everyone has thought about tying Samson to the bedpost at least once.… Continue Reading
I knew you were thinking about leaving so, I didn’t say, when the world ends, I’d like to survive it with you, and said instead, let me know if you ever get around to missing me.… Continue Reading
I was suicidal and bored like every summer in Portland, barely alive. Jonathan had a blonde wife who wanted a new kitchen. I gave him head after he bought me a burrito from Taco Bell and before he told me his wife was pregnant with his third child.… Continue Reading