Template For Serious Literary Journal Short Fiction Submission

[Insert point of view narrator/pronoun] will never forget that summer. (Note: Be sure it is the most important person in the world around whom all revolves. A heroic Sisyphean character who has battled brickbats and prevailed against all manner of slings and arrows. Oh, hell let’s remove the brackets and just hard code “I” here.)

I will never forget those magical nights with my [insert relative]. (Note: A lot of choices here running the gamut from the mother of your father to the mother of your mother.)

I can’t think of her without thinking about [Insert rare plant or in a pinch a beloved piece of jewelry, if times were tough a distinctive bathrobe or similar coverup will do] which I’m lovingly holding now.

She would always provide me access to [taboo] my mother would not allow. (Note: Generally, some exotic ice cream treat or baked good or in cheekier coming of age memoir a verboten undergarment.)

My husband comes home in the midst of my reverie to [Insert fully developed and balanced portrayal of a mate that may cover the whole panorama of behavior from ignoring to body shaming.]

My thoughts then turn to my father who [Best to trivialize any contribution beyond trauma, nothing kills a narrative like inserting a character who broke his back in an unfulfilling, soul deadening job to provide for the comfort of the future protagonist.]

I’m tired from a long day [Visiting ailing mother at the hospital or even better, nursing home, is always welcome here, or tending to an ungrateful and burdensome child, although the ambitious writer will try to pull of a double doodle and describe a squeeze play on the beleaguered sandwich generation from both directions.]

I stroll out back to [Provide a brief interlude involving a backyard garden or pond to demonstrate descriptive pyrotechnics. Bonus points for references to refraction, luminescence or other advanced principles of photo illumination.]

 

[Insert interaction with male relative. Preferred role is helpless younger brother you protect but at your discretion feel free to go an entirely different direction and opt for a grown-up ne’er do well brother who continues to burden.]

 

As my tears flow, I came to realize [Do not provide any clever summation or God forbid stoop to a twist. There is no need for entertainment in this exercise. No mini marshmallows to ruin the cabbage. If there absolutely must be some action, killing the husband is always acceptable.]

 

 

Two Stories

That last comment—just another film school fuck-up—had gotten under his skin. Who’d said that anyway? Maybe he’d said it. It wasn’t impossible to say things like that to yourself.Continue Reading

Pictures of You

The contrast of this monochromatic life is startling. We will eventually change our funeral attire and change the lens to gain a wider perspective, not so zoomed in on this noir summer of waiting, of letting go.Continue Reading

The Long View

It takes Edgar three afternoons to clear the tiny plot behind the condemned school. Overgrown with ivy and blackberry, the ground is a minefield of used needles and condoms sagging under the sad weight of spent sperm. He fills boxes with shards of glass, stuffing mildewed blankets and sleeping bags on top. No one pays attention to the old man loading his truck.Continue Reading

Newcomers

The two brothers sat idling in the empty parking lot, sipping their beers and peering ahead to where the truck’s lights shone into the blackness.Continue Reading

Snow Globe on the Pulaski

Hail pelted the bus. Jasper could feel the bus shift with the wind, and his window rattled against the rubber casing. He was on a bridge over a hundred feet in the air, open to the elements but he felt claustrophobic. The sun had set an hour ago and he could only see a few sets of taillights bleeding out in front of him while the storm raged.Continue Reading

Jake Paul Beats Mike Tyson

This is what it felt like to be the first person whose sword is cracked in two by a metal slug, announcing the first hail of gunfire that demeans your fellow conquerors into an Oh-those-poor-bastards of a footnote.Continue Reading

Apology

Rather than someone she’d slept with during orientation, and twice more their first semester, he was now the kid brother she’d give life advice and hand-me-down Looney Tunes sweatshirts to.Continue Reading

The Fire

People keep telling you that time heals all wounds and you want to tell them to fuck off. You want to grab them by their faces, squeeze, and scream that it will never get better. But you only nod and walk away.Continue Reading

Saguaro

He points the camera at her bulbous green nubs, tastes salt on his cheeks for the first time in days, and touches her long, wispy white hair that reminds him of Myna’s. “Hey, I’ve started singing in the shower again,” he tells her, as if, like his late wife, she’ll be proud.Continue Reading