She suddenly recalls watching a TV show where a group of Asian men dropped tiny, wriggling octopuses into their open mouths like how the Romans ate grapes. Then, the men swallowed the octopuses whole.… more
She suddenly recalls watching a TV show where a group of Asian men dropped tiny, wriggling octopuses into their open mouths like how the Romans ate grapes. Then, the men swallowed the octopuses whole.… more
Ever since my wife moved in with my boss, I had been planning on revenge—gun, knife, poison. None of them are attainable for a guy like me. I’m desperate, and desperation made me hungry. All I wanted was a juicy cheeseburger and a bottle of cold beer.… more
The tech guy says, “Everything’s updated, looks like your processor speed is good, you’ve just got a ton of stuff taking up space that doesn’t need to be there.” I ask him what he means, and he shows me that what’s taking space is decades of memories all the way back to when I was in college. I tell him I don’t want to lose them, and he kind of laughs and tells me, dude, that’s why we have the cloud.”… more
She was ten weeks pregnant and we had plenty of time to legally do it. She was ready to be done though, and she was beautiful walking away from me down that hot sidewalk, sweating a little, yanking on her purse strap, grinding her heels into every step as though she could push more of the world between us with each footfall.… more
I’ve begun to question whether I was just a dairy cow for my kids or a mere sex doll for my husbands. I wish they were still alive so I could tell them about the meaning of incontinence while their faces were on my hips.… more
I write a story about Matt only I change his name to Pilot. And then to Shotgun. Then to Kevin. Then back to Matt. It’s about Matt, but isn’t. It’s all made up, but is honest and true in that way that fiction can be. OK, it’s mostly made up. In that way fiction can be. … more
Men can be beautiful if they are in photographs. There, their danger is behind their eyes, in the clenching of their teeth against the inside of their cheeks, the blood that stains the margins of their teeth, the thoughts attached to how badly they want to growl.… more
Out there, somewhere, is the stupidest person alive. There are a lot of stupid people in the world, but someone has to be the stupidest.… more
He tries to spin around and purchase a ledge with his fingers, but it doesn’t work like that–his body, the time, the space, the stuff around, none of it. He’s in open air. He’s looking at the big ground. The ground is like sitting front row for a technicolor film in his honor, a real end of the rainbow. He can think whatever he wants now. … more
If Fred had been a female, he would’ve had a sensual stride and mysterious gaze; sadly, his elegance and charm were wasted on the body of a male, his pudgy belly protruding in a way that screamed domesticity.… more