First things first, shut the fuck up. There are no Pinocchios in the real world. You have to go to the ice-cream shop to take a minute and figure out if you want peaches or peanuts. If you say peanuts, you’re not real.

There is grief five miles away and you’ve punched your fist in the wall. There is no turning back from this. Pinocchio might be home anytime soon and you will have to explain to him the human predicament. He will put his long nose in the wall and check out all the damage you did.

You’re in eighth grade and you put up a play where you kiss Pinocchio. You soon realise there are a lot of Pinocchios and you don’t know which one you kissed in the first place. So you eat peanuts. Peanuts. That’s all you have eaten since the morning.

And do you like green? Yes, the catch is you do. You’re wearing a green dress and your boyfriend fights with Pinocchio while you’re applying yellow nail paint to your lips. In the mirror, you see the two figures gawking at one another in sheer surprise. You turn and look in their direction and they don’t look at your yellow nail-lip-polish so you punch the wall.

The wall doesn’t care about your AP Calculus. But your cat, Remy, does. So she goes to your school and writes your paper and hands it to Mr. Smith and Mr. Smith snatches the paper from Remy’s hands and gives her a cookie and Tony’s chocolate bar. Remy is happy.

There is a little hut in the middle of the forest and that’s where Pinocchio takes you for hoco. Your American dream comes true as you see a picket fence. Mr. Fox greets you in and says Pinnochio is washing his nose so you need to be seated in a position comfortable to you and serve yourself with the pistachio ice cream. Turns out you’re allergic so you go back to your home and cry because Pinocchio is not real and that you were dreaming this whole time.