A Confused Protestor in Front of Morton’s Steakhouse Slams ‘Carnivore’ Brett Kavanaugh

A Confused Protestor in Front of Morton’s Steakhouse Slams ‘Carnivore’ Brett Kavanaugh

A large crowd has gathered outside of the Morton’s Steakhouse in downtown D.C. Protesters, hell bent on disturbing the life of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. One man, with megaphone in hand, joins them to make his opinion on the pressing matter heard.

Man with Megaphone (MM): Brothers and Sisters of the Revolution! Enough is enough with these corrupt politicians and their relentless bloodthirst!

MM unzips his jacket, revealing a black and white t-shirt that reads “Abort the Court.” The crowd roars with cheers and applause…

MM: We’re here today to disrupt Justice “Carnivore” Kavanaugh’s right to eat the innocent in peace. Just like he’s taken away so many others right to choose! Hear our voices, Kavanaugh, as you gnaw on innocent flesh!

Mostly hoots and whistles from the crowd, though some confused faces appear…

MM: He drives that sick corrupt system known as the Supreme Court. Which banishes our freedoms and our choices to live as we see fit. Then they uphold murderous laws which support their archaic beliefs? Well, we here today to say NO MORE!

MM retrieves what appears to be a full blood donation bag. He places a corner in his mouth, rips it open using his teeth, spits out the piece, then tilts back his head as it begins to drip onto the concrete below.

MM: He may have blood on his hands, but there won’t be any on ours!

MM squeezes the bag, splattering bright red blood all over the ground surrounding him. The crowd quickly jumps backward as there’s some hushed ‘woo-hoos’ and light clapping…

MM: How many lives will be lost due to his spineless actions? How many babies will be taken right from their mother’s teet, then plopped onto a factory farm? So many sweet babies, yanked forcefully from their warm wombs and thrown into a blender so that others can drink their cells for rejuvenation?

A few brave voices in the crowd, disgusted at the bloody sight in front of them, shout towards MM. One older gentleman, holding a handmade sign that reads ROE 1973-2022, yells out from within the crowd, ‘what the hell are you doing, man?’

MM: Yes! What the hell are you doing, Kavanaugh?! Let the voices of the innocent speak through us here tonight!

MM takes out a small tube of super glue, slathers it all over his right hand, then grabs the nearby metal door handle to Morton’s. A large black woman, who’s wearing a t-shirt that says, “Hands off my Pussy, Supreme Court,” shouts “oh no Baby, what you doing?”

MM: Over 50 years ago, the Supreme Court passed all child sacrifices into a secure law. What about God’s law? Exodus 20:13. So I say, ABORT THE COURT! ABORT THE COURT!

Everyone in the crowd looks around in confusion as murmurs increase. No one knows quite what to think or do, yet they keep watching MM spiral…

MM: We’re not leaving until this madness stops! Protect life at all costs! The animal’s body, the animal’s choice! The baby’s body, the baby’s choice! I..

A brave woman in the crowd rushes up to a breathless MM and says something into his ear. With his finger still on the megaphone button, his confusion blares outward toward the stunned crowd…

MM: Yes? Okay, but…what?…wait a sec, they actually overturned the Supreme Court’s decision on Roe Vs. Wade? Really?…

Woman nods as the crowd falls silent. MM tries to rubs the sweat off his face with the back of his megaphone. Then, his angry frown transforms into a vibrant smile that radiates pure happiness.

MM: We’re one step closer, my friends! Babies are finally free to choose their path in life!

One man in the crowd claps, as all heads turn toward him. Ashamed, he bows his head down as the crowd once again focuses their attention on MM…

MM: This fight isn’t over yet! Now, we must…Oh, my apologies, please come on through…

An elderly couple, having just finished their meal, walks outside as MM pulls back his arm, with the still glued hand upon the door handle.

MM: Like I was saying, only some of the voiceless are now safe. You’re probably wondering now ‘what can we do to protect our animal friends?’ If only we could give all animals a gun, then they wouldn’t be killed for our glutenous consumption! Repeat after me, everyone,- EQUALITY BEGINS IN THE WOMB! EQUALITY BEGINS IN THE WOMB!

The crowd is utterly silent. Suddenly, a young man runs towards the crowd waving his hands.

Young man: Guys! He’s about to leave through the backdoor. Let’s corner him there, come on!

As the crowd disperses, rushing towards the back of the steakhouse, MM’s waves his free hand, which is still holding the megaphone, in the air. A sad and desperate attempt to reclaim his audience. He tugs his superglued hand, trying to break free, but to no prevail. Suddenly, a young woman dressed as a Handmaid with her long scarlet cloak and oversized white bonnet, walks up to MM. She smiles before she kicks MM in the balls, forcing him to drop the megaphone and keel over in pain. She picks up the device and reclaims what was briefly tainted.

Handmaiden with Megaphone: OUR BODIES, OUR CHOICES…

The crowd roars with cheers as Brett Kavanaugh quietly exits Morton’s before the stampede of protestors reach him.


About the Author

Bethany Bruno is a South Florida author. She holds a BA in English from Flagler College and an MA from The University of North Florida. Her work has been previously published in numerous publications, such as The MacGuffin, Ruminate, Lunch Ticket Magazine, Litro Magazine, and DASH. She recently earned a 2021 Best of the Net nomination. When not working as a Technical Writer for the Army or as a Priority Editor for Flash Fiction Magazine, she’s writing her first novel. She currently resides in North Alabama with her husband and baby girl.


Photo by Ted Eytan on Flickr