In year 24 together, he and I seem to have arrived at a new level of emotional intimacy, practically a symbiosis. That we have no sex and are in love at the same time leaves me rather dumbfounded.… more
In year 24 together, he and I seem to have arrived at a new level of emotional intimacy, practically a symbiosis. That we have no sex and are in love at the same time leaves me rather dumbfounded.… more
My friend Billy was the price. It still feels odd to call him a friend. Friends do not stab each other the way I drove a blade into his back that afternoon.… more
Long before I knew of ghosts as apparitions, I understood them simply to be the presence of the deceased. In this way, I was raised with death, a silent death that lurked largely unmentioned in corners.… more
When I think of model trans men, I think of those brave enough to share their stories on social media, brave enough to ignore the comments that say go kill yourself or you will always be a woman. I think of those proudly wearing pink, blue, and white, the colors of the trans flag, those who march in rallies, holding signs that say, “Protect Trans Kids,” those who use their preferred bathroom regardless of how their outsides appear to the rest of the world. I was never that brave.… more
My father sexually harassed Mamie Van Doren. He did so in a scene from Guns Girls and Gangsters, a crime movie released in January 1959, the month Alaska became a state, the year Mattel launched the Barbie doll. I was a sixth-grader.… more
Imagine popping a squat to take your regular morning shit and looking down to discover that some homicidal maniac had committed murder in the water right below your unsuspecting cooter, despite the fact you’re an innocent salad eater who doesn’t even consume bread. Not cool, bro.… more
Dad had rarely spoken of Salina. Said they’d been poor, and that was that. But once, he told us that his mother, long dead from a drunk driving accident, had been considered the most beautiful woman in Kansas.… more
I thought I was moving in exponentials. Things blurred or bent in me, like a dance between chaos and order. No. We all move a notch on this sprocket, the specifics of which I will never be able to shake.… more
Twice I have heard young women scream when they have seen someone they love torn open or crushed and bleeding and dying in front of them. There is no other scream like it.… more
They hammer nails into their fingers tear themselves with saws and do everything left-handed which is why their father calls them maudit gaucher but when was being left-handed a bad thing and their mom and aunt say they were smacked by the nuns to learn to write with the right hand and they should count themselves lucky nuns don’t do that now… more