I was in a diaper at age four because Liz and Michelle needed a baby for their game. I liked being in the diaper. Even after Steven and Billy saw me, I stayed in the diaper.
In kindergarten, Tommy and I both loved Chloe. She knew it because we told her. One day I told her I would rape her. Mrs. Rogers had a talk with me in the hall. I did not know what rape meant and she did not tell me. But she did want to know where I had heard the word. I told her Steven. She said, “Steven who?” I told her Steven C_____. She said, “I know Steven C_____. Tell him I say hello. And don’t use that word again.”
I got the ring from a bubblegum machine at the ShopRite. I went food shopping with Mom on Saturday mornings. The ring was gold with a plastic red stone. I put it in an envelope with a note to Jasmine about loving her. I sealed the envelope and left it on my dresser. My sister saw the bulging envelope and the name on it. She asked me what was in it. The next day I gave the envelope to Jasmine. That was 1st grade.
In 4th grade we all read Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. All the girls, and all the boys. We all read it.
Between 5th and 6th grades my mom’s cousin Bonnie lived near us. She had two daughters, Jamie and Maggie. Jamie was sixteen. Jamie watched General Hospital every day. So, I watched General Hospital every day. That was when Laura was married to Scotty, but Luke liked Laura and then Luke raped Laura but then Laura said it wasn’t rape and then they got married. I remember sitting in a chair with Jamie and telling her I loved her. I said it quietly and no one else heard. But then Jamie said, “That’s sooo cute,” loud enough for everyone to hear.
In 6th grade we got to go into the woods for a week. Stokes State Forest. Bigfoot would make an appearance during The Night Hike, which was on the Wednesday. That year, it rained, and Mr. Jordan and the other teachers lost their way on the path. We were stuck in the woods a long time and got very wet. I remember my arm was broken (soccer, tennis court, big kids). On The Night Hike my cast got wet, but I managed to get close enough to Susan to whisper, “I love you.” My friend James heard me. I was always worried that Susan liked James and not me. My cast dried out and smelled musty, and Bigfoot never did find us.
Between 6th and 7th grade, there was a dance at the Club House. “Love Me Do” was playing and I was dancing with Susan H____, a different Susan than the one in the woods. I was twelve; she was fifteen. I sang the words of the song to her on the dance floor. I didn’t lip sync; I knew all the words to all the Beatles songs. Then I told Susan I loved her, and she did not say it back. She smiled and said, “Aww, that’s nice.” We did not dance to any more songs.
