The dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the one that doesn’t. My guilt will not purify me.

– Anonymous Quote from TikTok

You are violent / You are male / You want something other than this nuclear warhead in your throat / You want to be rough / You want to be roughly fucked / You want to be doing the fucking / You want a thousand dollar excuse for this ogre in the mirror / You want to be different but not like the faggot boy in a dress from your mother’s anniversary / You want to ride dirt bikes snort some coke / You want some preacher’s daughter’s pussy / You want to give something motion / How much kinetic energy is in your fist / You want danger fuck it. I wanna be a soldier /  You want to swallow this split plum that’s sulphuric / You want a name for it / You want the nightmares to stop / You have no vocabulary for the word because you flunked high school so bad—the tangents never added up no surface area derivative for the raging hunger in your thigh / Five letter word that won’t placate

or save regardless of tonguing it to life / You want to be Jesus / You want to be blameless / You want to unsee your buddies lose their names and become numbers inside a girl / You want to run away till the air bursts your lungs / You want mother at home—father farther in the humus / You kneel and pray eyes shut in hope of a silver lining / You want to walk back from the shelf where father’s pistol is / Yet your feet unyielding shuffle faster of their own autonomy / You want to be anything else but your father’s son / You put the pistol back as you remember the five letter word inside your liver / Outside the sky cracks open as rain washes away the sour taste out of your gums leaving just enough residue to tell you redemption like democracy and the other bullshit isn’t free