Although the term “Freedom” would be more appropriate after the death of a dozen spouses with whom I shared my life for 200 years, I prefer to be called Mrs. D. The weight of my losses extends beyond just my partners, as I have also mourned the passing of 25 children, 40 grandchildren, 10 wonderful great-grandchildren, and even numerous beloved pets like dogs, rabbits, and ponies. Oh my goodness! Mr. Rocco has been ignored, the tortoise who kicked the bucket six months ago after living with me for one hundred and sixty years. To be honest, he held a special place in my heart, and now that he’s gone, I find myself feeling detached from anyone or anything. I don’t know anyone and I’m not able to communicate with this generation.
The council gave me a small screen that is shinier and smaller than a rectangular mirror. The decor of my house would be transformed by this tablet. It has different colored buttons, and each color has its own function. I don’t like to touch anything, but I must admit, the first and most incredible thing I ever hugged was my husbands’ penises. It was an experience so remarkable that it made me not settle for less than twelve. One day, as I dozed off, my finger accidentally brushed against the colorful buttons. In the blink of an eye, the bed, the fridge and the toilet bowl appeared before my eyes. Now I eat, shit and rest here, but whenever I think about how it only happened with my middle finger, my mind shuts down.
So much has changed over the years. McDonald’s and KFC have shifted their focus to promoting animal rights by exclusively serving vegan sandwiches. Seitan, tofu, tempeh, and other plant-based alternatives have become the new norm, hailed as the best sources of protein by researchers. Because of this, vegan food factories have increased their production, particularly when it comes to sausages. After more than 150 years of trying different types of sausages, such a dish no longer tempts me. I’m curious to see how carnivorous humans handle it.
My first husband was a hunter who used to treat me like an object, a piece of meat. I’ll never forget the time he touched my buttocks and said jokingly, God bless them, they could feed a whole village.” It was then that I realized how some men view women.
But as time went by, my perspective on sexuality, psychology, politics, and equality started to change. Looking back now, I see the immense oppression that women of our generation faced. I was seen as nothing more than a piece of meat by my partners, while my children relied on me for breastfeeding. It makes me question whether I was just a dairy cow for my kids or a mere sex doll for my husbands. I wish they were still alive so I could tell them about the meaning of incontinence while their faces were on my hips.
I press the blue button, and the mirror TV on the wall switches on. There’s a captivating live show playing that has a huge fan base. Ten attractive MILFs visit the National Institute for the Mentally Handicapped and engage in intimate activities with mentally challenged men. As they receive applause and encouragement, their husbands shed bittersweet tears. This program is called “We are all equal.”
The benefit of a long life was that I saw all gender identities living freely together. LGBTQCR (celebrity sex dolls) and R (robots). My first husband was fortunate enough to pass away and not see this decade! Just imagine, back in the 1850s in Texas, a man engaging in sexual relations with a robot from China. But that’s not where the story ends; after a while, the robot speaks in English with a Japanese accent and declares, “Now it’s my turn!”
Sexual issues have always provoked my curiosity, but I was too afraid to discuss my desires with my partners. Now that I’m free, I feel like my time has come! Unfortunately, a collection of diseases surrounds me, from osteoporosis to hemorrhoids and even a prolapsed anus. I can only consume liquids as my jaw has become loose. My vagina has become so dry and wrinkled that even with two liters of lube, I can’t fit a strawberry in it.
On the bright side, technology has had its positive impacts. It saved me from going blind by transplanting a frog’s cornea into my eye. The laboratories paid a hefty sum for each liter of urine during water scarcity. My previous partner had prostate issues and couldn’t control his urine, so he would keep a two-liter bottle by his bedside to fill up overnight. Even after his passing, I still have drinking water, but occasionally I buy a liter of Mr. Brief’s Mineral Water for $500.
After inheriting a large sum of money from my last husband, I had a burning desire to live a lengthy life. Television incessantly promoted the idea of eternal life through organ transplantation. Just dial the numbers provided below. It all started with a heart transplant and then proceeded with a series of other procedures. From my face to the tip of my toe, several surgeries were performed. But how can a human achieve immortality in a world where everything is destined to perish? I sacrificed everything to extend my lifespan, only to realize that loneliness is the true cost, not money. Everyone I have ever loved has passed away, leaving me surrounded by strangers. Thoughts of death frequently consume my mind, and I imagine it to be a magnificent sensation that occurs in a jiffy, with no chance of return. Every night, as I hit to hay, I presume this is the end.
As for the future… I’m not too concerned about it. It’s all yours.
Mr. Brief: An imaginary mineral water brand
