In 2023, the Writer’s Guild of America went on strike. The labor dispute caused a prolonged interruption in television and film production, disrupting projects at all stages of development.
In response to the sudden drop in revenue, senior executives at Universal Studios were forced to consider all available options, and at one point even experimented with artificial intelligence software. By leveraging this new technology—as well as their extensive network of business partners, such as Nintendo—Paramount was able to access a deep pool of intellectual property to develop a number of contingency film scripts.
After the WGA’s strike came to a close, Hollywood largely returned to business as usual. And while most of these AI-generated film scripts were thankfully shelved during the earliest stages of development, the following excerpt from one such crossover project provides a fascinating insight into the brave new worlds of digital technology and mega-franchise marketing.
KART WARS (Working Title)
SCENE 4: THE NIGHT RACE (BEFORE)
EXTERIOR – PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Dozens of characters crowd around several parked karts. LUIGI leans against the side of his kart, a sleek green Pipe Frame with Slick tires. He is alone, obviously out of place, looking slightly awkward among the tight-knit group of racers. YOSHI quickly takes notice of LUIGI, and walks over to introduce himself to the newcomer.
YOSHI
Sweet ride. What you running under there, man?
LUIGI smiles.
YOSHI
Oh, you’re going to make me find out the hard way?
LUIGI
Hell yeah.
YOSHI
You’re brave! They call me Yoshi. Got a last name too, but I can’t pronounce it, so…
LUIGI
Luigi.
YOSHI
Yeah, typical Italian name. Know what I’m saying?
Cut away to show a polished Mr. Scooty kart; the Slim wheels are freshly shined. Several female characters are gathered around it. Cut back to show YOSHI and LUIGI.
YOSHI
See that over there? That’s my baby. But I ain’t cutting her loose tonight.
LUIGI
Why not?
YOSHI
It’s cause I’m going legit, homie. Heading to Tokyo next month, trying to get on the Excitebike circuit. You heard about that?
LUIGI
Aw, yeah. Yeah.
YOSHI
So what’s up with you?
LUIGI
I’m just waiting on Mario.
Cut away to show DONKEY KONG, also surrounded by females. He takes notice of the new arrival, leaves his groupies, and walks over.
DONKEY KONG
Shit, you better get in line.
DONKEY KONG glances down at LUIGI’s kart.
DONKEY KONG
This yours?
LUIGI
Yeah, I’m standing next to it.
DONKEY KONG laughs.
DONKEY KONG
That’s funny. You know, DK happens to know a few things. And one of the things DK knows is, it’s not how you stand by your kart, it’s how you race your kart that matters. Better learn that.
Cut away and pan out to show the main street. A pack of several sleek karts moves in quickly, driving in tight formation. Cut back to show characters.
DONKEY KONG
Aw, shit. Here they come, it’s on!
Cut away to show karts pulling to a stop. As MARIO steps out of his Standard Kart, a number of females approach him, despite a disapproving glare from PRINCESS PEACH. MARIO shakes hands with several characters; he’s obviously an influential figure here. MARIO spots YOSHI and walks over.
MARIO
All right, what do we got?
YOSHI
Here we go! One race, two G buy in. Winner takes the cash.
LUIGI
Hey, hey, I want in on this! I don’t have any cash, but I do have the pink slips to my kart.
MARIO
Well, look who it is! The Buster!
TOAD
Whoa, whoa! You can’t just show up and climb in the ring with Ali, just ‘cause you think you can box!
LUIGI points at BOWSER, who’s standing off to the side. His black eye is obviously fresh.
LUIGI
He knows I can box. So check it, it’s like this. I lose, winner gets the keys to my kart, clean and clear. But if I win, I take the cash, and I take the respect.
MARIO smiles, scoffs.
MARIO
Respect!
LUIGI
To some people, that’s more important.
MARIO seems to understand. He stops smiling and nods once.
MARIO
That your car?
Cut away to show Luigi’s kart, then pan across it to show the obvious modifications. As TOAD lifts the hood, the crowd gasps in awe.
MARIO
What’s he running under there?
TOAD
I see a cool air Star intake… it’s got a NOS fogger system with triple mushrooms, the T4 Turbo Super Horn, direct Blooper ink injection…
MARIO
Yeah, and a standalone lightning system. Not a bad way to spend 10,000 coins.
DONKEY KONG
You see that shit? He’s got enough mushrooms in there to blow himself up, period!
LUIGI
So what do you say, am I worthy?
MARIO
We don’t know yet. But you’re in! Let’s go.
Crowd cheers, then rushes back to their own karts to begin staging for the night race.
SCENE 5: THE NIGHT RACE (ACTION SEQUENCE)
PENDING CGI INPUT
SCENE 6: THE NIGHT RACE (AFTER)
EXTERIOR – STREET – NIGHT
Racers and characters crowd around once again, with a number of karts parked haphazardly in the street now. Smoke streams out from underneath the hood of LUIGI’s kart.
TOAD
Was that fun?
As TOAD lifts the hood of LUIGI’s kart, heavy smoke billows out. Crowd laughs, jeers. LUIGI is obviously embarrassed, but still manages an awkward smile.
MARIO
What are you smiling about?
LUIGI
Dude, I almost had you!
Crowd laughs. MARIO smiles, clearly amused.
MARIO
You almost had me? You never had me! You never had your kart!
Crowd roars with laughter again. LUIGI continues to smile good-naturedly.
MARIO
Flinging bananas all over the street, not aiming your green shells like you should? You’re lucky that golden mushroom didn’t blow the welds on the intake!
MARIO turns, addressing the crowd now.
MARIO
Almost had me?
Crowd erupts in laughter. MARIO turns back to face LUIGI.
MARIO
Now me and the mad scientist here gotta rip apart the block, and replace the Bullet Bill you fried.
Pan sideways to show the full size of the crowd, while the laughter slowly dies down. Zoom in to show PRINCESS DAISY looking at LUIGI with a shy, admiring smile.
MARIO
Ask any racer—any real racer. It don’t matter if you win by an inch, or by a mile. Winning’s winning!
Cut away to show LAKITU, seated inside a Circuit Special kart and monitoring a police scanner.
RADIO TRANSMISSION
Any available units, we have reported street racing along Hawthorne Street, heading…
LAKITU
Oh shit, we got cops, cops, cops, cops! Go!
Characters scramble away to their vehicles. A chaotic exit ensues.
