Suggested accompaniment: “Weightless” by Brian Eno
r/TuckerValleyWestVirginia
u/GuyWhoWalksBytheDam posted: 8:03 AM, 9/24/25
To the Woman Who Stands On the Dam
I saw you again last night. September has been very dry. Do you only come out when it’s dry? I don’t like the humidity either.
Anyhow, I appreciate what you do, even if I don’t understand it.
Dryly,
Guy Who Walks By the Dam
u/WomanWhoStandsOntheDam posted: 10:18 PM, 9/24/25
To the Guy Who Walks by the Dam
I saw you again last night. Sorry I didn’t wave back. My arms don’t bend like that.
You are correct that I prefer the low humidity. If the air is too moist my matrix starts to destabilize. It happens when you get old.
I have always sought a friend who does not understand me in the slightest. Your honesty means a great deal to me. Well, maybe not a great deal. But it’s a nice touch.
Avidly,
Woman Who Stands on the Dam
u/GuyWhoWalksBytheDam posted: 3:46 PM, 9/25/25
Dear Woman Who Stands on the Dam
Just the same, I’ve always wanted a friend whose arms don’t bend in the regular way of people. I wouldn’t say it means the world to me, but it’s of interest.
The way you describe your form makes it sound like you’re an image generated by a computer. But any time I’ve seen you, I’d swear you were made of cotton and smoke.
Where do you go when you’re not standing on the dam? I live in an apartment and I can see the dam from my bedroom window. I mostly like to watch TV, play with the cat. That’s about it.
Get bent (xoxo),
KC
u/WomanWhoStandsOntheDam posted: 12:13 AM, 9/26/25
I’ll Ask the Questions Here, KC
What’s KC stand for? Are you from Kansas City? Are you in the mob? I’m joking.
I’m not generated by a computer, but I think I’m typing this on a computer. Fairly certain. Is there cotton inside a computer? This time I’m serious.
I’ll ask again—is there cotton inside a computer?
Sorry for the confusion,
WWSOD
u/GuyWhoWalksBytheDam posted: 6:01 AM, 9/26/25
God-Dam, Woman
There is no cotton inside a computer that I’m aware of. It’s all metal and plastic, like at the grocery store. The shopping cart is made of metal and everything you put in the cart is packed in plastic. A computer is a lot like a grocery store, honestly. It has everything you need if you know how to use it.
Hope this helps,
Kevin
u/WomanWhoStandsOntheDam posted: 11:16 PM, 9/26/25
To Kevin of Glendalough, Patron Saint of Blackbirds
I have heard the story of the young woman so insistent on sleeping with you that you had to shove nettles in her face. You must’ve been very pleased with yourself.
Do you prefer your blackbird jam homemade or store-bought?
Turning the page,
WWSOD
u/GuyWhoWalksBytheDam posted: 9:32 AM, 9/27/25
To the Smartass Who Stands on the Dam
Yes, I am familiar with the Irish holy man, who haunts me like a double. The only difference between us is that he’s a baldheaded hermit from 1400 years ago and I’m a baldheaded hermit from right now.
In this house, we recognize cardinal jam as the Lord’s jam.
Seeing double,
Kevin Scott C.
u/WomanWhoStandsOntheDam posted: 8:20 PM, 9/27/25
Two Of You is Way Too Many
Kev—can I call you Kev? I’m going to call you Kev.
Are you familiar with the old saying that goes, we can’t choose our hermits, only how far we build our houses from them?
I’d say more about your pitiful condition but I have much to do tonight and I must conserve my smoke.
Breaking ground,
WWSOD
u/GuyWhoWalksBytheDam posted: 11:56 PM, 9/27/25
I Would Argue That Even One is Too Many
WWSOD—
Have you ever noticed when someone wants to sound smart, they’ll start their sentence with it’s worth noting…? Well, it’s worth noting that my door is always open, by which I mean it is never closed, leaving me vulnerable to all manner of incursion.
If I could have the last 4 days of my life back, I’d give them to you. I’d make them your problem.
All around this house of midnight,
K
u/TheLivingWoman posted: 2:43 AM, 9/28/25
To the Man Who Stands on the Dam
Nice place you have here—mind if I close the curtains? Don’t take this the wrong way, but seeing you out there is like being stabbed by Loneliness.
As it so happens, I am the Valley’s foremost collector of unwanted days. Buy them cheap, slap on a new coat of paint, sell them with wine and roses. Or something like that.
Anyhow, I appreciate what you do, even if it’s been done before.
Your friend,
Katrina
