A psalm of Steve. A lament.

Steve: Subject of the verse. Little is known of the author. Likely an officeworker of the early 21st Century.

 

¹ As the acacia thirsts in the relentless summer,

                 my soul longs for Steve.

 

² His image is ever with me. It obscures my

                  workscreen. ³ It makes me restart

                                    my daily calculations.

workscreen: devices to aid  information processing were external

          ⁴ It brings unclean reveries

                             upon me before sleep.

 

⁵ Long in his chair he reclines, brooding,

              slender fingers keying absently.

⁶ Our cubicle gaps, in cruel alignment,

               frame him in my sight

                                    as an artpiece:

cubicle: cell for supervised wage labor

⁷ skin like silk-paper, eyes of rosewood,

           head in a cloud of russet curls

                             untame– ⁸ O, the magnificent disarray

                                    of youth!

 

⁹ Would that a dozen years of age were

                the mere barrier between us.

Alas, as befits an artpiece, I shall never touch,

                                    only see.

¹⁰ I shall never have him in my privacy,

nor regale him with secrets,

              nor behold him in his nakedness,

                                nor embrace him at my will.

privacy: sex acts were stigmatized, particularly in public

 

¹¹ For Steve, above all, adores women,

                                    and I, in my despair,

                        am a man.

women…man: intimacy was seen as a precursor to intercourse, with defined gender roles and preferences

 

¹² Ever do my sufferings increase.

             As Steve adores women,

                              yet more do women adore Steve.

¹³ In our vast room toil thirty or more.

¹⁴ At his station do they alight through the long day

             like damselflies, circling and landing,

                         blinking their large eyes,

                                    sending chemical signals.

damselflies: colorful folded-wing insects, made extinct when their food source, the mosquito, was eradicated

              ¹⁵ Only by his disbelief of their advances

                  and ignorance of his own comeliness

                           has he not yet chosen from them

                                    a girlfriend, yea,

                                                     a wife.

                  ¹⁶ ‘Awkward,’ he deems himself,

                  ‘geek,’ ‘nerd.’ ¹⁷ Would that the Lord had

                              rendered all His nerds

                                    so brilliantly!

nerd: Epithet of unknown meaning. Could refer to residents of an ancient village, Brainerd.

 

¹⁸ Forgive me, O God,

              for allowing Steve his delusion;

for not holding to his lovely face

             the mirror of my trusted opinion.

            ¹⁹ For only by his delusion are his

time and attentions not consumed by women.

            Only thus am I called ‘pal.’

            ²⁰ Only thus am I favored, during the

brief rests of our workday, and afterward

          in coffeehouses and bars and sport arenas,

                          with his company,

coffeehouses…bars: parlors in which workers imbibed liquid hallucinogens

               ²¹ sweet even in its chastity

                                    as any I’ve known.

 

²² In a time more sanguine, I once mistook

Steve’s indifference toward womankind

                         for the same as mine,

and near the close of one lengthy tavern evening

           admitted to him of my love.

love: sexual

²³ ‘Of the many gathered here,’ he inquired,

              ‘if a man were to be yours,

                     which would you choose?’

²⁴ ‘The one at my very elbow,’

                  I replied, heart leaping

at the question, thinking it a fulfillment

                              of eternal hope.

hope: was thought to be a virtue

²⁵ He shattered such with a laugh.

‘But be serious,’ he said. ‘My curiosity

                                    is genuine. ²⁶ Select from those

                  with whom the prospect might exist.’

 

²⁷ At that moment barely would I have objected

                had the plates of the earth opened

                     and dropped me solitary

                             into the pit

                                    of hell.

hell: portrayed with ‘heaven’ as separate from human existence

²⁸ I indicated with a slumped finger

a barfellow not half as winning

                                    as my companion,

            ²⁹ then, weary to elaborate,

                     bid Steve likewise his preference

           of the decidedly fewer females.

³⁰ ‘That one there,’ he said without thought,

                      his consideration already made,

             ³¹ adding, ‘but she would never.’

             Such was his refrain. For just as the human

                  eye cannot behold itself, Steve was,

               among all in his orbit, the lone

                     unaware of his beauty.

 

³² That night, at bedside, like a boy

                I prayed. ³³ ‘O Lord, of the innumerable

officemates in your wide firmament,

                  why must the one in my constant view

                                    be Steve?

prayed…Lord: objects of prayer were conceptualized as human, interactive

              ³⁴ Of what use is this tantalization?

              ³⁵ How am I to proceed, having seen

                 what I was content not having imagined,

knowing now, by what I can never possess,

                the barrenness of my own life?’

³⁶ God had no rejoinder, not that night

               nor many more that ensued

                       with Steve at my side,

                       loyal, glorious,

                                    fruitless.

rejoinder: see note immediately above

 

³⁷ Come the holidays, and in our workchamber

                is made a festival, with boughs

and wreaths and all manner of bright decoration,

                  tables heavy with treats and refreshment.

holidays: certain days of the calendar were imbued with symbolic importance, to alleviate laborers’ tedium

           ³⁸ All but instantly a feminine hive

forms around Steve. ³⁹ He seeks me out regardless,

as if his popularity on the evening

were a mere product of probability

                           and mathematics.

⁴⁰ We converse, as ever, but on this afternoon

             his gaze falls not so fixed upon me.

             ⁴¹ I trace its line, and at its end

find a woman of shy, unutterable beauty,

               jewel-eyed and gold-haired,

visage not so unlike his former tavern favorite,

              with naught save a punchcup

                                    to amuse her.

punchcup: container for drink, sometimes narcotic

 

⁴² What happens next can I scarce explain

                except to say, it is in my power alone

to do. ⁴³ Inventing a need for rest, I shed Steve,

            and interrupt my return to take

                 some punch beside the maiden.

rest: waste elimination

              ⁴⁴ To steer her to the topic takes

only a hello. ⁴⁵ ‘Friend of Steve?’

she wishes to know. ‘Only the best,’

              I say. ‘Are you acquainted?’

⁴⁶ She sips, marshaling her nerve,

            then offers, ‘Not so much

                                    as I would like.’

nerve: declarations of sexual admiration were discouraged among strangers

⁴⁷ ‘You must not be timid,’ I advise,

as a prisoner might load a bullet

                       for his own execution.

⁴⁸ Her doubt matches what his would have.

             ‘Broach no misgivings,’ I tell her firm.

misgivings: rejection was generalized, feared

            ‘Do not hesitate. ⁴⁹ I am confident

in my counsel, for Steve and I

             have passed together many hours,

                      and I know him so well.’

 

⁵⁰ Now in my solitude do I find

              no measure of relief.

⁵¹ Not enough of him, it seems,

             was preferable to my yearnings

                         than none at all.

             ⁵² Nor is my love so pure

as to make his delight sufficient

                            for mine.

pure: some authorities substitute ‘asexual’

⁵³ Our appointments are set for

                 a soon that never comes; ⁵⁴ the object

of our idle daytalk no longer us

                          but her.

              ⁵⁵ ‘A miracle,’ he calls it true.

How much truer a miracle would mine be,

             when of ten Steves full nine

                          would nature steal?

miracle: most events were considered probable

⁵⁶ In charity there is no sense. In faith

            there is no hope. ⁵⁷ Each is

at the mercy of another, yet we govern

                         but our selves.

faith…hope: were often confused

                ⁵⁸ I shall never be repaid,

nor shall my prayer be answered.

                ⁵⁹ In Steve there was no purpose.

                          It dwelled alone in me.

In Steve…in me: Would have been seen as contradictory. Would not have been understood.