\u201cWhat a time to be alive!\u201d<\/p>\n
Timothy Dawn is on his mandatory fifteen-minute break for all customer service representatives. Pete is forging in his coleslaw, and Wendy is admiring her new seasonal-themed nails. Neither party answers his botched attempt at communication. He has a reputation for being “extra” and “a bit too much.” He likes to try with people every now and again just to make sure some higher power hasn\u2019t unplugged his microphone. His headset dangles on the back of his chair like a seductive finger inviting him back. He spends his break shoving a flabby, flavorless pancake around his plate and he lies to his coworkers.<\/p>\n
Not granular, chunky, incriminating lies\u2014smooth and silky lies which he uses to accessorize his life and create a more pixelated and pleasing picture.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe visited the Grand Canyon last month. Stunning views and yet so serene. Have either of you ever been?\u201d<\/p>\n
He does wonder if either of them has ever been where he is. A melodramatic and engulfing place.<\/p>\n
He doesn\u2019t tell them that tomorrow is a memory so great and a hole so deep it cannot be measured. He doesn\u2019t mention how he beats his hands on his chest to try to excise the grief that sits there so stubbornly. He doesn\u2019t because he is tired of the gooey treacle of sympathetic smiles.<\/p>\n
His first call after break is what he has been needing.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s supposed to slake your thirst.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Madam. I don\u2019t understand what your customer service issue is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat drink, you moron. It\u2019s supposed to slake your thirst and it doesn\u2019t\u2014that\u2019s my issue.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay\u2014let\u2019s see how I can be of assistance. I don\u2019t recognise the word you used. Can you spell it please?\u201d<\/p>\n
She screams down the headset at him and Timothy flips to the de-escalation chapter in the employee handbook and switches the volume to level 7.<\/p>\n
S.L.A.K.E.<\/p>\n
Timothy opens a new tab and searches for the word.<\/p>\n
Meaning\u2014When you slake something, such as a desire or a thirst, you satisfy it.<\/p>\n
Slake\u2014Timothy likes it. Timothy more than likes it. He repeats it under his breath and marvels at the shapes it forces his mouth to make.<\/p>\n
\u201cGosh, I do apologize on behalf of the company. That is not the customer experience we want to provide.”<\/p>\n
\u201cToo right, it isn\u2019t. What are you going to do about it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I need some details from you to begin. Can you tell me the store you purchased the drink from, and the 15-digit code written on the back of the label?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHold on. I\u2019ll have to go and grab the bottle.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCertainly, Madam. Please take your time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe sleeve is gone.\u201d<\/p>\n
She sounds exasperated now. Timothy feels the tight hammock of another\u2019s trauma as she deep-breathes down the line.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy son is four and he must have removed it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSleeve?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe plastic sleeve around the bottle, you idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease refrain from name calling, Madam. It doesn\u2019t help.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, it\u2019s helping me. Useless, utterly useless\u201d<\/p>\n
Those are her parting words before she cut the line.<\/p>\n
Employees are advised to use their own powers of discernment when deciding whether to forward a survey seeking feedback to the customer service standard provided. Timothy feels the woman may have removed some rubble from her mind by making that call. Timothy feels it took her a while but as the call progressed, he felt her anguish thawing out. Timothy feels the time they spent together will mean she won\u2019t be ailing or lamenting that the hills haven\u2019t been so clearly defined in a long time. Timothy feels the glorious color of having helped another.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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