\u201cWhat\u2019s your problem, Sammy?\u201d Leo wanted to know. \u201cYou\u2019ve barely touched your drink. He\u2019s barely touched his drink, guys.\u201d<\/p>\n
Giuseppe shrugged. \u201cWhat do you want me to say?\u201d<\/p>\n
Sammy sat at their table leaning uncomfortably forward in his chair, brow furrowed, elbows propped on the table, hands clasped together, his bourbon untouched.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell?\u201d Giuseppe said. \u201cYou gonna keep us in suspense all evening?\u201d He scanned the crowded, lively bar. Country music whinnied over the speakers. Couples two-stepped on the small, square dance floor. \u201cThought we were here to do some drinking and have a good time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGuys,\u201d Sammy said from the side of his mouth. \u201cIt\u2019s fucking embarrassing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike, how embarrassing?\u201d Leo asked, his slightly off-center eyes staring who knows where. \u201cDid you shart or shit yourself? Or is your ex here with some Bruno Sammartino type?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho the fuck is Bruno Sammartino?\u201d Giuseppe asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cCall yourself Italian?\u201d Leo said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, my mother\u2019s Irish, bro. I didn\u2019t grow up with all that guinea shit in our house.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNever mind,\u201d Leo said, dismissive of Giuseppe\u2019s stance.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was the, uh, wrestler dude,\u201d Sammy said, wincing. \u201cMy Uncle Dominic\u2014Uncle Dominic used to love. The guy. Some kind of… of champion. Back in the old days. Before Vince McMahon. Ugh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYo, is it your appendix, bro?\u201d Leo asked, his look concerned but askew.<\/p>\n
Sammy shook his head and sucked his lower lip.<\/p>\n
\u201cHemorrhoids?\u201d Giuseppe said. \u201cMy old man used to get bloody grape clusters down there, boy. Not a happy camper.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEnough,\u201d Sammy said. \u201cIt\u2019s not hemorrhoids.\u201d<\/p>\n
A perky blonde waitress in green plaid appeared at their table. \u201cYou boys ready for another round?\u201d she asked, all dimples.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, bring another,\u201d Giuseppe said. \u201cWe\u2019re planning to get our friend here drunk. He\u2019s getting married next week.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCongratulations,\u201d the waitress gushed, drawing her hands to her breast and shaking her shoulders.<\/p>\n
Sammy grimaced. He wasn\u2019t get married. Indeed, he\u2019d been divorced for just over a year and was currently negotiating the landmines of online dating. Dating wasn\u2019t what it used to be.<\/p>\n
The smiling waitress leaned over. \u201cThat table of gals over there are having themselves a bachelorette party. Better watch out, they\u2019re pretty frisky. They see a table of hunks like you fellas and there\u2019s liable to be trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n
Giuseppe smiled and nodded. Trouble, yes. If you say so, he seemed to suggest. Leo remained expressionless, staring at something obscure to everyone else.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I\u2019ll get those drinks right quick.\u201d<\/p>\n
The waitress walked off and Giuseppe glanced over at a table with a bunch of hooting gals in party hats, one of them wearing a wedding veil and a sexy outfit involving a frilly bustier, garters and dark hosiery. “I Walk The Line” thrummed over the speakers and the ladies howled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re having a ood old ball,\u201d Leo said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019d scare wolves at night,\u201d Giuseppe said.<\/p>\n
Giuseppe and Leo shared a laugh but Sammy remained strained and discomfited.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on, man,\u201d Giuseppe said. \u201cYou\u2019re starting to bum me out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d Leo said. \u201cWhat is this?\u201d<\/p>\n
Sammy shook his head and looked at both of his friends with an earnestness unusual for a hardened cynic like him.<\/p>\n
\u201cShare,\u201d Giuseppe said. \u201cIf not with us then with who?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean whom<\/em>?\u201d Leo said.<\/p>\n \u201cI mean suck my dick, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Sammy waved his hands. \u201cGuys, guys. Okay.\u201d He glanced over at the bachelorette table and swallowed. \u201cSo I had a date last night with this very hot divorcee and we had gotten along nice on the phone and on our first date last week. I mean, finally, you know. So I figured we\u2019d go out for dinner and then maybe back to my place for a cocktail or two\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd bing bang bing,\u201d Leo said.<\/p>\n Sammy sighed. \u201cI was afraid that if it came to that, being out of practice and having a few issues with the prostate, see, I\u2019d go the premature ejaculation route or maybe freeze up and not be able to get hard at all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cErectile dysfunction,\u201d Giuseppe said.<\/p>\n Leo frowned. \u201cErectile dysfunction?\u201d<\/p>\n Sammy glared at him. \u201cSo I took a blue pill sort of halfway through dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA blue pill?\u201d Leo said.<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d Sammy said. \u201cA blue fucking pill. Do I have to repeat everything with this fucking guy?\u201d<\/p>\n Leo smiled but did not comprehend.<\/p>\n Sammy\u2019s lips tightened. \u201cDo I have to spell it out?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFor the erectile dysfunction,\u201d Giuseppe clarified.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, okay,\u201d Leo said, still baffled.<\/p>\n \u201cAnyway,\u201d Sammy continued. \u201cI took the pill and it sometimes has these side effects.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot good for people with bad hearts,\u201d Giuseppe noted.<\/p>\n \u201cSo you didn\u2019t get laid?\u201d Leo asked.<\/p>\n \u201cNo. I did not get laid. But that\u2019s not the thing.\u201d Sammy squirmed in his seat. Beads of sweat pimpled his forehead and upper lip.<\/p>\n \u201cThey say you can get an erection in some cases for like four hours,\u201d Giuseppe said. \u201cSo you didn\u2019t exploit that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGuys,\u201d Sammy said. \u201cShe was game. That wasn\u2019t the problem. But I had a throbbing rager from the moment we left the restaurant and I think it kinda spooked her.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHell, it would\u2019ve spooked me,\u201d Leo chortled.<\/p>\n \u201cThing is, I wasn\u2019t horny at all, and four hours were nothing. I mean, after four hours I was sore and disgusted and couldn\u2019t sleep, but I still had a rager.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo you\u2019re feeling shitty about how it all went down,\u201d Leo said.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not it. It\u2019s been about twenty-four hours since I took the pill.\u201d<\/p>\n Giuseppe leaned forward, pop-eyed. \u201cAnd you still have a hard on?\u201d<\/p>\n Sammy nodded. \u201cYeah. And it\u2019s like killing me. I\u2019m starting to get real worried.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou mean, all this time you\u2019ve been sitting there with a fucking hard on,\u201d Leo marveled. \u201cThat is so disturbing.\u201d<\/p>\n Giuseppe leaned back in his chair and sighed.<\/p>\n The waitress arrived with the drinks. She put them down, gave Sammy a flared-nostril smile and walked off, looking over her shoulder once.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat was that?\u201d Giuseppe asked.<\/p>\n \u201cShe sniffed it out,\u201d Leo said, smirking behind his hand.<\/p>\n Sammy looked pained, ashamed.<\/p>\n A balloon popped at the bachelorette table, startling the boys. When they looked over, the ladies were looking back at them with big smiles, one of them waving.<\/p>\n \u201cYou think they sniffed it out, too?\u201d Giuseppe asked with a straight face.<\/p>\n Convulsing with laughter, Leo pushed away from the table.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not funny,\u201d Sammy said.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, it\u2019s not funny,\u201d Giuseppe said, lips taut as he struggled not to burst out laughing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201c’Come on, man,’ Giuseppe said. ‘You\u2019re starting to bum me out.’ ‘Yeah,’ Leo said. ‘What is this?’ Sammy shook his head. ‘Share,\u201d Giuseppe said. ‘If not with us then with who?’ ‘You mean whom?’ Leo said. And Giuseppe said, ‘I mean suck my dick, okay?'”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":182,"featured_media":23968,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3530],"tags":[4620],"class_list":["post-23126","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-flash-fiction","tag-erectile-dysfunction","writer-salvatore-difalco"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23126","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/182"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23126"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23126\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23970,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23126\/revisions\/23970"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/23968"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23126"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23126"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23126"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}