#1<\/p>\n
\u201cSo do you believe, that if we broke up, you\u2019ll find someone else and everything would be the same?\u201d you said.<\/p>\n
We had been arguing over whether telepathy was logically possible.<\/p>\n
We\u2019d actually argued about telepathy three days before, and were now arguing about why we had an argument in the first place, which in turn, became an argument over my unwillingness to entertain ideas outside the tangible world beyond as a thought experiment.<\/p>\n
And all that eventually branched into fate\u2013you believed our relationship was fated, while I kept claiming chaos and the weight of decisions.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I didn\u2019t say that. Of course not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, you don\u2019t think this was meant to be,\u201d you said, pointing back and forth between us.<\/p>\n
\u201cSerendipitous, maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n
You smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cSerendipity is a nice word,\u201d you said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, it\u2019s real pretty.\u201d<\/p>\n
I wanted to tell you all the reasons not to think what if<\/em>, and to accept events as they came, to let things be, that there was so much in the world to hang onto that change a life actively, and that the less you asked what if<\/em>, the more you could see what is.<\/p>\n I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated that you appreciated the sound of a word, and to list off every tiny decision we\u2019d each made over the years that led to appreciating the sound of a word, and to appreciate who spoke it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n #2<\/p>\n You waited in the car while I ran into the gas station, came back out with a pack of cigs and sucking on the straw of a big gulp.<\/p>\n You asked for a sip when I got back in the car.<\/p>\n \u201cI can feel my liver rolling its eyes inside me,\u201d you said in between swallows. \u201cBut it\u2019s so good.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s the surgeon general warning on this shit?\u201d you said, giving me back the big gulp.<\/p>\n \u201cThey give pop to children.\u201d I took a long pull, felt little bubbles boogie on down my throat. \u201cI mean, I give pop to children.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think is worse? One cigarette a day or one big gulp a day?\u201d<\/p>\n You pulled back onto the street, squinting like you were giving the question serious thought.<\/p>\n \u201cProbably the cigarette is worse,\u201d you said.<\/p>\n \u201cYou think? A big gulp is like, four hundred calories. Your lungs will probably regenerate that one cig.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe. It\u2019s the toxins for me. But sugar is bad.\u201d You nodded at the drink in my hand, a diet. \u201cSo is aspartame. Everything is bad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot you,\u201d I said, putting my hand on your thigh. \u201cYou\u2019re good.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe toxic, though.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAddicting, either way.\u201d<\/p>\n You smiled, put your hand on top of mine.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think would be harder to quit?\u201d you said. \u201cMe or cigarettes?\u201d<\/p>\n I ran a quick round robin tournament through my head of everything I\u2019d ever loved, that came down to you vs cigarettes in the finals, and started to squeeze the fresh pack of cigs in my hand, a grand\/empty gesture to show how much I would destroy just for the opportunity to hold you one more night.<\/p>\n But before I could, you said, \u201cNo wait. Just kidding. Don\u2019t answer that. You and cigs go way back.\u201d<\/p>\n And I knew that I\u2019d never have to destroy anything.<\/p>\n As long as I always chose you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I ran a quick round robin tournament through my head of everything I\u2019d ever loved and started to squeeze the fresh pack of cigs in my hand, a grand\/empty gesture to show how much I would destroy just for the opportunity to hold you one more night.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":182,"featured_media":22824,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3529],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22820","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-flash-nonfiction","writer-alex-rost"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22820","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/182"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22820"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22820\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22825,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22820\/revisions\/22825"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22824"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22820"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22820"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22820"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}