I\u2019m writing this at my job. I work retail, so I\u2019ve got time to kill. Don\u2019t worry. My boss said I could. She said, \u201cThis job gets pretty boring, so bring a book or something,\u201d and so I brought a book, but guess what? Today, I finished it, and now I wish I was dead. Our sales goal for today is three hundred dollars; seven hours into the day, we\u2019re at seventy-one. That\u2019s not very good. We\u2019re not going to hit our sales goal and, who knows, maybe the store will close down. If the store closes down, I won\u2019t be able to pay my bills, and if I can\u2019t pay my bills, then that will make me wish I was dead-times-infinity. Death-times-infinity is a very permanent type of death. Really, there\u2019s no coming back from that. But the store isn\u2019t going to close down because the store has Investors, capital \u201cI,” who are loaded like baked potatoes and want this store to Succeed, capital \u201cS.\u201d That\u2019s why I\u2019m writing this instead of freaking out about not being able to pay my bills. The Investors are going to protect me and the store and, hopefully, the entire world. I\u2019m going to trust the process. Not the whole process, though, because some of it is really stupid. For example, I have to do a lot of dusting and sweeping and mopping and scrubbing because if we want the Investors to keep Investing then we have to make the store look nice enough to Invest in. Makes sense but there\u2019s only so much dusting and sweeping and mopping and scrubbing one man can do. After a while, it\u2019s just swiping at air, disinfecting disinfectant. Nope, no way, that\u2019s kind of dumb, so I just checkmark all the tasks on the tasklist anyway and go back to reading or, in this case, writing. People don\u2019t realize that you can trust part of the process or most of the process without trusting the whole process. It\u2019s okay to bite the hand that feeds you now and then if it comes off as a playful nibble. One time, I told a customer where she could find the same t-shirt but cheaper. Another time, I poked a hole in a bag of popcorn with my box cutter so I could damage it out and eat it. These small rebellions provide me with the energy to keep existing, lowercase \u201ce,” so I can keep working retail and eventually earn enough to start Existing, capital \u201cE.\u201d I will continue chugging along. I will recommend you check with our competitors before spending seventeen dollars on a heart-shaped ice cube mold. I\u2019ll wish I was dead, but only halfway seriously, and, hey, it\u2019s better than being dead-times-infinity, which seems far too pitch black and supermassive to be any fun. I\u2019ll say this: It could be worse. I\u2019ll mean it, too, because it could be\u2014cartoonishly so\u2014and sometimes I think about all the ways that\u2019s possible until my chest threatens to explode. I\u2019ll refold a t-shirt using a slab of plastic and it\u2019ll look so perfect, so soft and square, that when I put it back on the t-shirt wall, I\u2019ll start crying real tears. Customers will see and they\u2019ll feel so deeply for me that they\u2019ll each buy a shirt until I\u2019ve pushed us past our sales goal of three hundred dollars far into the thousands. I\u2019ll get a raise, then a promotion, then enough money to buy into the company, an Investor at last. I\u2019ll learn that the Investors also have a stake in Wal-Mart and Target and Ross and Old Navy and TJ Maxx. In Chili\u2019s and Applebee\u2019s and State Farm Insurance. In Highway 24 and every water fountain in the world and the sky. In me and you and her and him and them. I\u2019ll realize that they\u2019re our saviors, have been all along, and I\u2019ll feel guilty as sin about the popcorn I stole and the cleaning tasks I faked. I\u2019ll confess everything, forfeit my position, and return to my old store, defeated but alive. The Investors will take care of me. They will forgive and forget. I\u2019ll thank them as I clip on my nametag and drive to work. I\u2019ll bring two books, just in case I finish the first one. I\u2019ll try harder, no really, I promise. I\u2019ll clock in. Hello. How can I help you?<\/p>\n
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