Everybody knows assassins always hang out in the dine-in area of the Acme supermarket, between the bakery and the deli case. It\u2019s a good place where nobody bothers anybody, the food is cheap, and all the people who need those sorts of services know just where to find them.<\/p>\n
Mom\u2019s doing her weekly grocery shopping, Noah and his younger brother Lucas are tagging along. Not like either of them have a say, so it\u2019s boring, like the supermarket itself is boring; the assassins must drink a lot of coffee so they don\u2019t fall asleep waiting for customers to drop by. Lucas, looking a little distracted, isn\u2019t even complaining too loudly about not getting that box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Churros.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I go hang out in the magazine section?\u201d Noah asks.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, just keep an eye on your brother,\u201d Mom says.<\/p>\n
Off they go. Noah\u2019s in luck, among all the Cosmopolitans<\/em> and People We\u2019re All So Proud Of’<\/em>s this store happens to have the latest National Geographic<\/em>, and there\u2019s Stonehenge on the cover. He\u2019s already deep into an article on horseshoe crabs when he realizes Lucas is missing.<\/p>\n \u201cYou son of a bitch,\u201d he mutters under his breath. There\u2019s all kinds of stupid kid shit Lucas could have kept himself busy with because that\u2019s what they keep next to the magazines, but no, Lucas has to explore. Noah\u2019s just hoping his brother is still in the store, that there\u2019s time to grab him (applying a couple punches in the arm for his transgressions) before Mom finds out what a terrible older brother Noah happens to be.<\/p>\n Noah\u2019s walking quickly, scanning the aisles, keeping one eye out for Mom (who\u2019d notice someone\u2019s missing his younger brother) and another for Lucas (who better not be in the pet store next door if he still wishes to see his ninth birthday). He swings around the deli case when surprise surprise there\u2019s Lucas, sitting in the dine-in section with one of the assassins.<\/p>\n Lucas, seeing his brother, points Noah out, and the assassin waves him over.<\/p>\n \u201cNoah, your brother just offered me one hundred seventeen dollars and forty-seven cents to put a hit on you,\u201d the assassin says. \u201cHe says he not only saved up his allowance but also stole money from your mother\u2019s purse, for months, just enough so she wouldn\u2019t notice. Before I decide whether to take the contract or not, can you explain to me why your little brother wishes you dead?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause he\u2019s a prick?\u201d Noah says, more annoyed than sensible.<\/p>\n \u201cYou see what I mean!\u201d Lucas says. \u201cHe keeps calling me stupid and I\u2019m not stupid. And he never lets me play Xbox, either.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s because Grandpa got it for me,\u201d Noah points out. \u201cHe got you a bike; I don\u2019t see what you have to complain about.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd he hits me, all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNoah,\u201d the assassin says. \u201cIs that true?\u201d It happens so quickly; the assassin is gripping Noah\u2019s arm. This guy isn\u2019t one of those wannabe assassins who needs a gun or a bomb or poison to kill people. Everyone knows it costs a lot of money, but maybe this guy might be willing to snuff a kid like Noah at a discount because it just wouldn\u2019t be that hard to do.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d Noah wails, but not so loud as to draw the attention of anybody who might get them all in trouble. \u201cBut he starts it, all the time. And it\u2019s not like he doesn\u2019t hit me either, and do all sorts of things to get me in trouble. He never does his share of the chores, and I\u2019m the one who gets yelled at by Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n Lucas is just about to interrupt, but then Noah decides to really make his case. \u201cI have a lot more money saved up than he does.\u201d<\/p>\n Lucas looks a little green.<\/p>\n \u201cBut Jesus, I\u2019d never hire someone to kill him, even if nobody knew and I\u2019d never get caught.\u201d<\/p>\n The assassin lets go of Noah\u2019s arm. \u201cSee Lucas,\u201d the assassin says. \u201cYour older brother loves you. You don\u2019t really want me to kill him. You two should work on being better brothers to each other.\u201d<\/p>\n That\u2019s when Mom drops by with the cartload of groceries. \u201cCheryl,\u201d the assassin calls out. \u201cLook who dropped by!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat have you two been up to?\u201d she says. \u201cWhy are you in the dine-in section when you said you were going to be in the magazine aisle? And what did I tell you about talking to strangers?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLucas was going to use his allowance money to buy donuts and all sorts of other things not so good for little boys. Noah here was trying to stop him,\u201d the assassin says. \u201cAnd I was just trying to give a little moral support.\u201d<\/p>\n He gives Mom a wink.<\/p>\n \u201cNoah, Lucas, this is your uncle Tony,\u201d Mom says, pronouncing uncle in such a way as to let them know Tony isn\u2019t actually an uncle, just another one of the grownups in Mom\u2019s life after she and Dad broke up. Dad\u2019s been out of the picture for a while. \u201cThanks for keeping an eye on the boys,\u201d and with that they head over to the cash registers.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Later, after everyone\u2019s home, after Noah lets Lucas play Minecraft<\/em>, Noah says, \u201cDon\u2019t you think it\u2019s weird Mom knows one of the assassins?\u201d<\/p>\n The two of them start listing \u201cuncles\u201d they don\u2019t see anymore, wondering where they went. And they haven\u2019t heard from Dad for months, but Mom doesn\u2019t seem upset about it.<\/p>\n It\u2019s kind of clear where at least some of these men went.<\/p>\n \u201cWe need to be better,\u201d Noah tells Lucas. \u201cBetter grades, do the chores without being asked, no more fighting. You\u2019ve seen Mom snap at us. If we\u2019re not careful, we could be having Uncle Tony walk us to school one day.\u201d<\/p>\n Lucas nods his head like it\u2019s the most obvious thing in the world: be good or else.<\/p>\n Noah gives them about a month.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Everybody knows assassins always hang out in the dine-in area of the Acme supermarket, between the bakery and the deli case. It\u2019s a good place where nobody bothers anybody, the food is cheap, and all the people who need those sorts of services know just where to find them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":182,"featured_media":21691,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3530],"tags":[3890],"class_list":["post-21168","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-flash-fiction","tag-twitter-behm_steinberg-bluesky-hughbehmsteinberg-bsky-social-instagram-hughbehmsteinberg","writer-hugh-behm-steinberg"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21168","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/182"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21168"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21168\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21701,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21168\/revisions\/21701"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/21691"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21168"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21168"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21168"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}