He tells us about his amazing sex life non-stop but to me it sounds like the death of a ball turret gunner. I never say that to him. Would he even know what I was saying? He tells Rabbi and I all about it. His sex life. The things his wife does to him. The things she demands he do for her. It\u2019s all he ever talks about. He\u2019s proud of his sex life. Then he razzes us about not getting any action. We need to spice things up, he says. Rabbi smiles, runs a hand through his beard, refrains from comment. The man cannot be provoked. I just laugh. I know Casey\u2019s old lady. I don\u2019t think she\u2019s nice-looking. I would never say that to him.<\/p>\n
Casey and I work together at the meat packing plant. We cut kosher beef all day long, under the watchful eye of a Rabbi we\u2019ve grown close to (no idea what his actual name is though). It\u2019s decent money, being a butcher. Our jobs are recession-proof. And we are in a recession, the one Obama inherited. But our jobs are stable. I work circles around everyone in that plant, especially Casey. Casey is in his early forties, at least fifteen years older than me, so it makes some sense why he\u2019s slow. But he\u2019s really slow\u2014he talks too much. He\u2019s a magpie. I\u2019m a madman with a knife, hacking and slashing. I\u2019m fast you understand. I\u2019m a wizard on the band saw we use. People worry I might cut myself. I often do. Casey tells me to slow down. Rabbi just sits there watching me while stroking his phylacteries. He tells me I\u2019m an artist.<\/p>\n
\u201cThese other butchers are not artists,\u201d he said. \u201cYou know how to make it look nice, to make it appealing. You have an eye for it.\u201d<\/p>\n
That means a lot to me since Rabbi\u2019s brain is like something NASA would send to Mars to gather data.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been going to Casey\u2019s house regularly since the high school football season started.\u00a0 I go to see Jordan Smith. He plays tailback for the Bulldogs. He\u2019s fast. He runs close to the ground, like Barry Sanders. We hang out at Casey\u2019s before the game, Lisa might cook us dinner (terrible food), Casey would roll a joint (Mexican dirt weed) and we three would walk down a half mile or so to the football field, Canadian whiskey on our breath (and in Lisa\u2019s purse). I\u2019m the only co-worker to get invited to Casey\u2019s house, since Lisa is a jealous god. I know how to act around her. I know how to behave around her. If Lisa ever got a hint of how Casey acts around the girls at work, the perverted things he says to the girls at work, pussies, dicks, cunts, assholes and such, she\u2019d blow a gasket. I know this. I protect his secret. Plus, Lisa has the hots for me. I catch her watching me too long during conversations. I know the effect I have on women. Casey tells me that Lisa told him about me, if I don\u2019t have a girlfriend, then there is something wrong with me. I don\u2019t have a girlfriend.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a game happening this Friday and Casey is telling Rabbi he should come.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the sabbath,\u201d Rabbi said. \u201cI can\u2019t because it\u2019s the sabbath.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere will always be sabbath,\u201d Casey said.<\/p>\n
Then Casey started baiting him with the Luger again. His grandfather had brought back a German issue Luger from World War Two, from a soldier he killed. If Rabbi comes over Friday, Casey will let him have it.<\/p>\n
\u201cPut it in a holocaust museum,\u201d Casey said.<\/p>\n
Rabbi shrugs. He isn\u2019t going to come.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Things are rocky at Casey\u2019s. I\u2019ve been warned that Lisa is in distress. She\u2019d caught her teenage son masturbating and had thrown him out of the house. This is not Casey\u2019s son. Casey has three girls. They have no kids in common. Her son said he was praying, not masturbating. He told this to Lisa. He even had the bible to prove it. She still kicked him out.<\/p>\n
\u201cLisa can be a cold-hearted bitch,\u201d Casey said.<\/p>\n
That was last week.<\/p>\n
When I first arrive, I can tell something is wrong. They welcome me, but the tone of the welcome is flat. I guessed that there was a fight I didn\u2019t see and that I had interrupted. Now I\u2019m in the middle of it\u2014it\u2019s the hostile space between two planets. I\u2019d seen them argue a time or two, and when they argued they attacked each other.<\/p>\n
Lisa has a drink in her hand of course, but she isn\u2019t offering to get me anything. I have to make my own drink. She\u2019s not even trying to look at me on the sly like she usually does. There\u2019s no small talk. We roll one, smoke in near silence and head out the door to the game. This weed is ineffective stuff, about as effective as a holocaust museum.<\/p>\n
A paratrooper was supposed to land on the fifty-yard line to start the game off on the right foot, but he lands in an adjacent cornfield by mistake.<\/p>\n
Jordan Smith has the game of his life that night. He carries the ball forty-nine times\u2014a new record. He\u2019s unstoppable. The other team is a catholic school. They\u2019re known for their aerial assault\u2014they launch the ball on every down. They have a black quarterback, as opposed to our black running back. These are two white schools I\u2019m describing. White teachers, white parents, white students, white lunch ladies probably\u2014I don\u2019t know. Each has a single black player who\u2019s the star of the team. The catholic school (the Crusaders, of course) has even brought their priest! He\u2019s bundled up in a frock coat on the sidelines with his white collar showing.\u00a0 That\u2019s when I notice that Rabbi is on the visiting side of the field. He\u2019s on the wrong side. He\u2019s by himself. We had him come and sit with us.<\/p>\n
Now it\u2019s Old Testament versus New Testament. I can\u2019t believe Rabbi is willing to miss the sabbath to watch football, but he may have been here for the Luger. He has a nose for antiques. We all have noses. We have big noses\u2014I can\u2019t leave that out. I\u2019m aware that all four of us have huge noses. Larger than average. We bring the average up in that crowd.\u00a0 The nose never stops growing, that\u2019s what they say, it never stops growing. Sniff, snort, snore and other nose words that begin with s-n, those s-n words are ours.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re in the first row of the bleachers, down where we can see the cheerleaders when people aren\u2019t walking in front of us with their candy bars and sodas. These cheerleaders have to be freezing. The way they\u2019re dressed they have to be frozen. One cheerleader, the smallest, is refusing to be thrown in the air. The others are trying to pressure her into it, but she won\u2019t do it. She refuses to be thrown in the air.<\/p>\n
Things are going better with Lisa and Casey; they\u2019re getting along. And we\u2019re all just so surprised to see Rabbi that we\u2019re in good spirits. His beard is blowing in the wind.<\/p>\n
In the second quarter the sun is setting, and it\u2019s quite a scene. We\u2019re in farm country. There are rows of cut wheat surrounding the football field, and sloping hills. Black crows here and there. Barns even.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I knew how to paint, I would like to paint that,\u201d Rabbi said. \u201cI\u2019d like to have the ability to paint, just so I could paint that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then we see a doe and two fawns in the distance. That gets everyone excited.<\/p>\n
At half time we moved to higher seats since we were pressed together like European countries where we were sitting before. The people we sit by are talking about taxes and pig raising, giving each other advice on how to raise pigs. At intervals they grunt like pigs.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe lady who didn’t have any problems bought a pig,\u201d one said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOink,\u201d the other one said.<\/p>\n
Then they started showing each other places on their body where they had been bruised and bitten by their pigs.<\/p>\n
Casey\u2019s youngest daughter is in the marching band. He points her out for us. Then he tells us how he used to hide his kid\u2019s toothbrushes when they were little. He\u2019d ask them if they brushed, and when they said they did, he would confront them.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow did you brush your teeth when your toothbrush is right here in my hands?\u201d<\/p>\n
He even did it to the mother too\u2014his wife at the time. She wasn\u2019t brushing either apparently.<\/p>\n
They would start crying. He would make them all cry together.<\/p>\n
Lisa sees her son walking around down by the concessions. She goes down to talk to him, but he won\u2019t talk to her. He refuses to talk with her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m a bad mother,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
The final score is forty-one to forty-five. We won. Jordan Smith scored six touchdowns.\u00a0 My ears are ringing since after every score we were expected to ring these cow bells\u2014hundreds of cow bells. The visitors also had cow bells which they rang after their scores.<\/p>\n
On the way out of the stadium a kid, a ten-year-old boy, climbs atop a chain link fence and he manages to stand on it. That\u2019s quite a feat. When he falls (everyone knew he\u2019d fall), his head bounces off the pavement just like a football\u2014in unpredictable directions.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
When we get to Casey\u2019s house, Rabbi and I try to count all the antlers\u2014the deer antlers on the wall. Casey\u2019s house is from another time, it\u2019s anachronistic. There\u2019s a fireplace in the bathroom. Casey\u2019s bathroom, you could lock yourself in there for hours. Have a fireside chat. Do some great thinking, signal yes or no decisions with the chimney the way they select the pope.<\/p>\n
Rabbi will not sit down. He refuses to sit. He looks at every chair like it\u2019s a box car to the gas ovens.<\/p>\n
Lisa is still upset.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not a bad mother,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019m a good mother. Do you think it\u2019s wrong, what I did to my son?\u201d She\u2019s talking to Rabbi.<\/p>\n
Rabbi\u2019s eyebrows move like iron filings under a magnet.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you love your son?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course, I love my son,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
Casey fired one up and passed it my way.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you Humphrey Bogart?\u201d Casey said. He\u2019s talking about the joint; he wants it back.<\/p>\n
\u201cEvery guy does that,\u201d I said. \u201cWe masturbate before and after sex. Sometimes during.\u201d<\/p>\n
Casey betrays me and says he has never masturbated a day in his life. He\u2019s serious.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre Jewish boys allowed to masturbate?\u201d Lisa asks Rabbi.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not encouraged.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lisa gives Rabbi a distrustful look. Then Lisa says that when she walked in on her son, his face was red with exertion. All his blood was in his face. It was a not a bible-reading face, she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes Casey fool around at work?\u201d Lisa asks Rabbi. \u201cDoes he flirt? Does he have anyone on the side?\u201d<\/p>\n
Rabbi\u2019s being interviewed. We\u2019d prepared him for this. She goes on and on about how lucky Casey is. Rabbi agrees that Casey is lucky.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt work we call you the Mona Lisa,\u201d Rabbi said. We actually call her the Moaning Lisa.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s sweet,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
Lisa is getting drunk, that\u2019s clear. She\u2019s slowing down. Once I looked her way, she had the eyes of an abandoned doll. But then she snapped back to life.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere are the goddam Rolaids?\u201d Lisa said. She looks mean when she says that, like she\u2019s swallowing an explosive mixture, like she\u2019s in the middle of eating small children. The way she\u2019s standing, I can see she has a small belly.<\/p>\n
Lisa began touching Casey inappropriately. I got the feeling, the way Casey and Lisa were acting toward each other, that they weren\u2019t wearing any underpants. She starts undressing herself in stages. They go into the bedroom.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The living room resembles a cave, with a low ceiling and dim lighting. Rabbi sits down at last and gains control of the television.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe makes me nervous,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
After flipping through a hundred channels, he settles for the History channel. It\u2019s a show about ball turret gunners. The announcer is setting things up. \u201cHow did they convince men to enter the ball turret six miles from earth?\u201d This show promises the answer.<\/p>\n
Casey comes out of the bedroom, his hair mussed like a newborn. It\u2019s like he decided to mingle with the human race.<\/p>\n
\u201cI almost forgot,\u201d he said. \u201cI want to show you the Luger.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said I can have it,\u201d Rabbi said. \u201cYou said that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Casey brings it forth in a shoebox, unwraps it from some felt. It has a certificate along with it.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a rotten gun,\u201d Casey said. \u201cIt\u2019s gone rotten, it will never fire again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt looks like a toy, if I\u2019m honest,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Rabbi fingers it at length. He won\u2019t set it down.\u00a0 He points it at a ball turret gunner on the television. The show is going through all the discomfort of being in that turret, mostly having your knees in your chest for hours on end. We watch jealously.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf the Jews had the second amendment, Hitler would have never stood a chance,\u201d Casey said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s Ghandi\u2019s fault, for telling Jews not to resist Hitler,\u201d Rabbi said.<\/p>\n
Casey mentions some movie where they shove a pineapple up Hitler\u2019s ass as retribution. It\u2019s his favorite movie.<\/p>\n
\u201cGive the pineapple to Ghandi,\u201d Rabbi said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere is Lisa?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m trying to get her to sleep. I told her she\u2019s drinking too much. She\u2019s sick about her son,\u201d he said. \u201cShe\u2019s really sick.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMarriages are made to prevent war,\u201d Rabbi said. That\u2019s all he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe started drinking at nine this morning,\u201d Casey said.<\/p>\n
Casey goes back into the bedroom, shuts the door on us even.<\/p>\n
I hear sobbing coming from the bedroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt must be exciting in that ball turret,\u201d I said. One veteran on the television is saying how they all fought over who would get to go in the turret. They all wanted to be in there.<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes this usually happen? Them going into the bedroom?\u201d Rabbi said. His voice is only half full, as if the gun has mellowed him out.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cBut Casey\u2019s a \u2018yes\u2019 man.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes it bother you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes what bother me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat they\u2019re going at it in there?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMe either,\u201d he said. \u201cAll that\u2026fighting.\u201d You can tell he wants to say fucking. \u201cIt can be dangerous. But I\u2019m not worried. Besides I have this if we need it.\u201d The gun he means. He\u2019s motioning with the gun. The gun almost disappeared in his hand; it\u2019s like the gun is the hand of a child.<\/p>\n
Rabbi and I go back to watching our TV show. Rabbi\u2019s beard is in his lap. An old gunner on TV said, every time he climbs in and closes the hatch it’s like the first time. We\u2019re on the edge of our seats, we\u2019re huddled around the television, looking into it like we\u2019re Neanderthals looking into a fire. Rabbi changes the channels during commercials which is like poking the fire with a stick.<\/p>\n
We hear thuds. We hear thumps. Had they fallen out of bed? Should we leave?<\/p>\n
There\u2019s something patriotic that forces us to stay in the living room while Casey and Lisa have sex.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid your mind follow them into the bedroom?\u201d Rabbi said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think it did,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Rabbi turns the volume up to eighty to combat the bedroom noise. The noises of a battlefield are coming right at us.<\/p>\n
I smoke a cigarette halfway down and put it out in the ashtray, it\u2019s one of those bean bag ashtrays. It\u2019s a dream for a cigarette to sit in one of those ashtrays.<\/p>\n
After ten minutes Casey comes out of the bedroom. He exits the bedroom. His t-shirt is in his hands. He attempts to fasten his pants and falls forward. He\u2019s sweating. His hair is matted on his forehead. \u00a0He\u2019s disoriented.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you guys watching? Why\u2019s the TV so loud?\u201d Casey said. The Hitler channel is teasing the next show, the evacuation of Dunkirk. Casey wants to watch the news. He\u2019s big on the news, current events and such.<\/p>\n
\u201cChannel Three Rabbi.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShould I\u2014can I close the door?\u201d I\u2019m talking about the door to the bedroom. It\u2019s wide open.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t touch that door. That would wake her up. It gets too warm with the door closed.\u201d<\/p>\n
I can see clear into the bedroom. I\u2019m enjoying the rights and privileges of a bystander. I have the privilege of viewing her body. I can hear on the news they\u2019re talking about layoffs at the airplane factory. I smile involuntarily. It\u2019s a smile I can\u2019t get rid of.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m looking into the bedroom where there are six deer heads on one wall\u2014there are twelve eyes on that wall. That bedroom is all eyes. All eyes on Lisa. Lisa is laying there; her skin is pink where clothes would be\u2014she\u2019s naked. She\u2019s on top of the bed sheets. She\u2019s laying on her side, curled up in a fetal position, passed out. I can\u2019t see anything racy\u2014she\u2019s facing away from me. Her knees are under her chin. She looks the way you\u2019d imagine someone trapped in the trunk of a car. She looks hog-tied.<\/p>\n
I get up to take a closer look. In a way, she looks like a pig. I see short bristles of hair on the upper part of her back, she\u2019s quite hairy. More so than I would like. I start looking at her as if she is a pig waiting to be slaughtered. I start butchering her in my head, finding all the cuts. In my mind it\u2019s an anatomical exercise. The picnic ham, the shoulder butt, the hocks, the loins, the ribs, the back fat. I know just where to cut to find the seams. I cut her up snout-to-tail.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s an enormous sleek black cat on the window ledge over the bed. The cat jumps down and comes out of the bedroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is what we came for,\u201d Rabbi said. He pets the cat.<\/p>\n
His beard looks ridiculous to me just now with the black cat in his lap, the two are indistinguishable. His beard is so damn black.<\/p>\n
\u201cHells bells!\u201d Rabbi said seeing Lisa nude. \u201cDo you mind?\u201d Rabbi said to Casey. \u201cDon\u2019t you mind what he\u2019s doing to your wife?\u201d<\/p>\n
What am I doing?<\/p>\n
\u201cHell no! Feast your eyes,\u201d Casey said. \u201cWhat do I care?\u201d Casey pulls down twice on Rabbi\u2019s beard like he\u2019s turning on a light in a basement.<\/p>\n
I put my hands on my head, my head feels so small, that\u2019s reassuring since my mind feels like one of those Easter Island statues.<\/p>\n
After I had her all cut up in my mind, I tried to figure out the best way to arrange the various parts, in the most aesthetically pleasing way. I don\u2019t know how to describe it but it\u2019s like one of those still-life paintings from the old days by one of those painters we call the old masters. You see these paintings in the museums with the ornate frames, paintings of stacks of trimmed meats, wheels of cheese, mounds of nuts and fruits, an apple core standing in the foreground near some sausage links.<\/p>\n
I start stacking food beside Lisa\u2019s body parts. Nothing haphazard, it\u2019s purposeful. A decanter of wine, a goblet with one ruby red drop of wine. There needs to be some wild fowl, so I added a dangling pheasant. Black trumpet mushrooms and a slab of funky cheese are next. Dainty connected links of sausage and a dark rustic loaf dusty with flour. An open bible, too. The entire scene is framed by the doorway. I\u2019m proud of the bounty before me. Traditions of plenty, traditions of excess, left in my capable hands. All this food! All this beautiful food! There\u2019s too much food. Before I know what\u2019s happened, I see there\u2019s too much food.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
He tells us about his amazing sex life non-stop but to me it sounds like the death of a ball turret gunner. I never say that to him. He tells Rabbi and I all about the things his wife does to him. The things she demands he do for her. It\u2019s all he ever talks about. I just laugh. I know Casey\u2019s old lady. I don\u2019t think she\u2019s nice-looking. I would never say that to him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":182,"featured_media":21558,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21081","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fiction","writer-jason-escareno"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21081","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/182"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21081"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21081\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21557,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21081\/revisions\/21557"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/21558"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21081"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21081"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21081"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}