I\u2019m at the bar grabbing a beer with my buddy Bill when he asks me.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, how\u2019s the wife hunting going?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright I guess. I\u2019m seeing someone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHo-ho, atta boy! What\u2019s her name?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cStacy,\u201d I tell him.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe a looker?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSmoke show.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy man! Where\u2019d you meet the gal?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA bar. She\u2019s a bartender.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo shit! She could probably fix me a beer faster than Jodie can. Woman takes her time with everything she damn does.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight, right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnyway, how long\u2019s it been?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFew weeks. Almost two months maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you like her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI like her a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe blonde?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cClassic. You can\u2019t keep your hands of them blonde bitches. She a natural?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think so.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAw, shoot, that\u2019s alright. Say, you got a picture of her?\u201d<\/p>\n
I pull up her Facebook page on my phone and show him a photo.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell fuck me, Jimmy, she\u2019s a looker! She\u2019s real blonde ain\u2019t she. What do they call that? Silver blonde?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPlatinum blonde.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s right. She\u2019s got them real purdy eyes, too. She got a nice rack?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nod. \u201cThey\u2019re fake, though.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell shit, you caught yourself a bombshell with big ol\u2019 fake tits! Look at you!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks.\u201d I take a swig of my beer. \u201cThere\u2019s another thing, though.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, c\u2019mon, don\u2019t keep secrets from me now! Spill!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe has a dick, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo fucking shit! Fooled the fuck outta me! I didn\u2019t know you were into that tranny stuff, Jimmy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s \u2018stuff\u2019 and I\u2019m not \u2018into\u2019 anything, Bill.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHm.\u201d He seems to ponder a moment. \u201cWell does this make you a fag then?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think so. I haven\u2019t thought about it. Also, you can\u2019t say that anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFag?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, yeah, that too I guess. I meant tranny. They\u2019re trans people now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAh, shit, tomato tomato. But you seriously haven\u2019t thought about it? Were you looking for a trans?\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019s nearly there with the terminology but I don\u2019t feel like correcting him. \u201cNo, I wasn\u2019t. It just kinda happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut have you ever thought about being with a dude?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, not necessarily.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you\u2019re cool with playing with a cock that ain\u2019t your own?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess so, yeah.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you\u2019re not a fag? Shit, sorry. You\u2019re not a gay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think so, no.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, man, I\u2019m confused.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry about it too much, Bill.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright then, shit.\u201d It\u2019s silent for a few seconds. \u201cIs it big?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHer dick, Jimmy. Is it big?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh. Yeah, it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBigger than yours?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nod. \u201cYup.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell shit. Does it hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe doesn\u2019t fuck me in the ass, Bill.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, I don\u2019t know what y\u2019all do or how all this works! I\u2019m just asking questions.\u201d He takes a drink of his beer and a handful of cashews from the little silver bowl in front of him. Normally, I\u2019d make a joke about him having nuts in his hands, but that doesn\u2019t seem appropriate. \u201cBut if she did fuck you in the ass, would it hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure it would. I think anything fucking me in the ass would hurt, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess you\u2019re right. Hey, lemme ask you. Is it\u2026 is it bigger than mine?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know how big your dick is, Bill?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShit, quit lying! You seen it plenty up when we took that fishing trip that summer. We skinny dipped with those hot chicks in the lake. Man I was so pissed I thought at least one of them would put out. Especially the dark-haired one with the nipple rings. And then you caught me with that porno magazine in the tent later that night. And that time we went to that nudie beach by accident.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know, Bill, all of that sounds pretty gay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, that\u2019s all different and you know it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAh, to hell with you! Stop jerkin\u2019 me off. Around! Stop jerkin\u2019 me around. God dammit! Fuck you, Jimmy!\u201d<\/p>\n
I laugh. He finishes his beer and I finish mine. He waves the bartender over. \u201cTwo more dicks, on me! Fuck, what the fuck. No, shit. Two beers! Shit, all this talk about dicks got me all inside out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s okay, Bill.\u201d The bartender hands us two more beers and Bill drinks half his at once.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, listen, you really like this broad?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you love her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know yet, Bill, it\u2019s not even been two months.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, if you do, that\u2019s alright by me. As long as you\u2019re happy. Even if she fucks you in the ass or not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks, Bill. I\u2019m very happy. And to answer your question, it is bigger than yours.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell cheers to that!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCheers. To girl cock.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo fuckin\u2019 girl cock.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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