Pick a goddamn fish, you\u2019re holding up the line. Tilapia\u2019s not too fishy. Just buy whatever\u2019s cheapest.<\/p>\n
Watch the fishmonger crunch the fish from the ice and plop it on the board to filet. When he asks if he should \u201cbone it,\u201d go ahead and laugh, but say, \u201cNo.\u201d Where will you be if you don\u2019t learn to bone a fish?<\/p>\n
Grab some herbs and veggies\u2013whatever smells good. Trust your nose. Go crazy.<\/p>\n
Oh\u2013the recipe said wine. Everybody knows you cook with the wine you drink. Drank. How about that cheap Australian stuff you drank nights after work, her already in bed exhausted, passed out from studying for exams? Notes of Xbox, minimum wage, underachieving. Remember though, tonight you\u2019re going to be strong and pour the uncooked wine down the sink.<\/p>\n
Right?<\/p>\n
On your way home, don\u2019t drive by her apartment to see if another car\u2019s there. Don\u2019t check her Facebook relationship status again. Don\u2019t search her brother\u2019s Facebook for recent pictures of her. You\u2019ve got fish to cook. What was that fish she suggested when she resolved you guys would lose weight together? You could text her and ask.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Spread your ingredients on the counter. Lay out every pot, pan, and utensil in the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Pour some wine into a measuring cup. Now, drain the rest down the sink.<\/p>\n
Wait\u2014hold up. What a goddamn waste. Go turn the bottle up in the garage for good ol\u2019 time\u2019s sake. Cheers\u2014here\u2019s to you. Pretend to listen for footsteps. Tastes better when you sneak it.<\/p>\n
Chop. Start with the veggies. Watch your fingers: you\u2019ve had a lot to drink.<\/p>\n
When you debone, use your sharpest knife to dig the deadliest looking bones out. Hey\u2013if you ever need to Heimlich yourself, you put your fist center beneath your ribcage and fall on it. You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n
Throw everything together to cook. Use every pot, pan, and utensil. Turn on the stove or whatever and let it cook until it looks done.<\/p>\n
It should look like food.<\/p>\n
Give it a minute, then eat it.<\/p>\n
Whose car was that at her apartment, you think? Maybe they want to try the fish stew?<\/p>\n
Or, maybe she\u2019s showing him how to fry that weight loss fish and he\u2019s got his hands around her waist and he\u2019s smelling her neck and he\u2019s cupped his hand over her breast and he\u2019s saying she doesn\u2019t need to lose weight and they\u2019re listening to Otis Redding\u2019s \u201cI\u2019ve Been Loving You Too Long.\u201d<\/p>\n
No need to call ahead, just take the pot over and leave it on the doorstep with a note attached. Your heart will tell you what to write. Something sublime, no doubt, irresistible, that doesn\u2019t sound like begging.<\/p>\n
Best to walk it over there.<\/p>\n
Ring the doorbell and run; feel like a kid again.<\/p>\n
Sit for an hour at the park where you had your first picnic and wait for her to call.<\/p>\n
Walk across the street to the seven-eleven and grab something to warm you while you wait.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Pick a goddamn fish, you\u2019re holding up the line. Just buy whatever\u2019s cheapest.\u00a0Watch the fishmonger crunch the fish from the ice and plop it on the board to filet. When he asks if he should \u201cbone it,\u201d go ahead and laugh, but say, \u201cNo.\u201d Where will you be if you don\u2019t learn to bone a fish?\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":182,"featured_media":20737,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3530],"tags":[1386,263],"class_list":["post-20289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-flash-fiction","tag-divorce","tag-humor","writer-travis-flatt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20289","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/182"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20289"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20289\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20738,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20289\/revisions\/20738"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/20737"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20289"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20289"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20289"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}