{"id":20208,"date":"2024-08-16T06:29:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-16T10:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/?p=20208"},"modified":"2024-08-16T07:13:56","modified_gmt":"2024-08-16T11:13:56","slug":"psalm-of-steve-study-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/fiction\/psalm-of-steve-study-edition\/","title":{"rendered":"Psalm of Steve (Study Edition)"},"content":{"rendered":"

A psalm of Steve. A lament.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Steve:<\/em> Subject of the verse. Little is known of the author. Likely an officeworker of the early 21st Century.<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
 <\/p>\n
1 <\/sup>As the acacia thirsts in the relentless summer,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>my soul longs for Steve.<\/p>\n
 <\/p>\n
2<\/sup> His image is ever with me. It obscures my<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>workscreen. 3 <\/sup>It makes me restart<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>my daily calculations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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workscreen:<\/em> devices to aid \u00a0information processing were external<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 4 <\/sup>It brings unclean reveries<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/sup>upon me before sleep.<\/p>\n
 <\/p>\n
5<\/sup> Long in his chair he reclines, brooding,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>slender fingers keying absently.<\/p>\n
6 <\/sup>Our cubicle gaps, in cruel alignment,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>frame him in my sight<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>as an artpiece:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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cubicle:<\/em> cell for supervised wage labor<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
7 <\/sup>skin like silk-paper, eyes of rosewood,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>head in a cloud of russet curls<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>untame\u2013 8 <\/sup>O, the magnificent disarray<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>of youth!<\/p>\n
 <\/p>\n
9 <\/sup>Would that a dozen years of age were<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>the mere barrier between us.<\/p>\n
Alas, as befits an artpiece, I shall never touch,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>only see.<\/p>\n
10 <\/sup>I shall never have him in my privacy,<\/p>\n
nor regale him with secrets,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>nor behold him in his nakedness,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>nor embrace him at my will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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privacy:<\/em> sex acts were stigmatized, particularly in public<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
 <\/p>\n
11 <\/sup>For Steve, above all, adores women,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>and I, in my despair,<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/sup>am a man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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women\u2026man:<\/em> intimacy was seen as a precursor to intercourse, with defined gender roles and preferences<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
 <\/p>\n
12<\/sup> Ever do my sufferings increase.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>As Steve adores women,<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/sup>yet more do women adore Steve.<\/p>\n
13<\/sup> In our vast room toil thirty or more.<\/p>\n
14 <\/sup>At his station do they alight through the long day<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>like damselflies, circling and landing,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>blinking their large eyes,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>sending chemical signals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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damselflies:<\/em> colorful folded-wing insects, made extinct when their food source, the mosquito, was eradicated<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 15 <\/sup>Only by his disbelief of their advances<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>and ignorance of his own comeliness<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>has he not yet chosen from them<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>a girlfriend, yea,<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>a wife.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 16 <\/sup>\u2018Awkward,\u2019 he deems himself,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>\u2018geek,\u2019 \u2018nerd.\u2019 17 <\/sup>Would that the Lord had<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>rendered all His nerds<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>so brilliantly!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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nerd:<\/em> Epithet of unknown meaning. Could refer to residents of an ancient village, Brainerd<\/em>.<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
 <\/p>\n
18<\/sup> Forgive me, O God,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>for allowing Steve his delusion;<\/p>\n
for not holding to his lovely face<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>the mirror of my trusted opinion.<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 19 <\/sup>For only by his delusion are his<\/p>\n
time and attentions not consumed by women.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>Only thus am I called \u2018pal.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 20<\/sup> Only thus am I favored, during the<\/p>\n
brief rests of our workday, and afterward<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>in coffeehouses and bars and sport arenas,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>with his company,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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coffeehouses\u2026bars:<\/em> parlors in which workers imbibed liquid hallucinogens<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a021 <\/sup>sweet even in its chastity<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>as any I’ve known.<\/p>\n
 <\/p>\n
22<\/sup> In a time more sanguine, I once mistook<\/p>\n
Steve’s indifference toward womankind<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>for the same as mine,<\/p>\n
and near the close of one lengthy tavern evening<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/sup>admitted to him of my love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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love:<\/em> sexual<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
23<\/sup> \u2018Of the many gathered here,\u2019 he inquired,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>\u2018if a man were to be yours,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>which would you choose?\u2019<\/p>\n
24<\/sup> \u2018The one at my very elbow,\u2019<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>I replied, heart leaping<\/p>\n
at the question, thinking it a fulfillment<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 of eternal hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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hope:<\/em> was thought to be a virtue<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
25<\/sup> He shattered such with a laugh.<\/p>\n
\u2018But be serious,\u2019 he said. \u2018My curiosity<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>is genuine. 26 <\/sup>Select from those<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>with whom the prospect might exist.\u2019<\/p>\n
 <\/p>\n
27<\/sup> At that moment barely would I have objected<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>had the plates of the earth opened<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>and dropped me solitary<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>into the pit<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>of hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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hell:<\/em> portrayed with \u2018heaven\u2019 as separate from human existence<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
28<\/sup> I indicated with a slumped finger<\/p>\n
a barfellow not half as winning<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>as my companion,<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 29 <\/sup>then, weary to elaborate,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>bid Steve likewise his preference<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>of the decidedly fewer females.<\/p>\n
30 <\/sup>\u2018That one there,\u2019 he said without thought,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>his consideration already made,<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a031 <\/sup>adding, \u2018but she would never.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>Such was his refrain. For just as the human<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>eye cannot behold itself, Steve was,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>among all in his orbit, the lone<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/sup>unaware of his beauty.<\/p>\n
 <\/p>\n
32<\/sup> That night, at bedside, like a boy<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>I prayed. 33<\/sup> \u2018O Lord, of the innumerable<\/p>\n
officemates in your wide firmament,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>why must the one in my constant view<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>be Steve?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
prayed\u2026Lord:<\/em> objects of prayer were conceptualized as human, interactive<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 34 <\/sup>Of what use is this tantalization?<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 35<\/sup> How am I to proceed, having seen<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>what I was content not having imagined,<\/p>\n
knowing now, by what I can never possess,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>the barrenness of my own life?\u2019<\/p>\n
36<\/sup> God had no rejoinder, not that night<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>nor many more that ensued<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>with Steve at my side,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>loyal, glorious,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>fruitless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
rejoinder:<\/em> see note immediately above<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
 <\/p>\n
37<\/sup> Come the holidays, and in our workchamber<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>is made a festival, with boughs<\/p>\n
and wreaths and all manner of bright decoration,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>tables heavy with treats and refreshment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
holidays:<\/em> certain days of the calendar were imbued with symbolic importance, to alleviate laborers\u2019 tedium<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a038 <\/sup>All but instantly a feminine hive<\/p>\n
forms around Steve. 39<\/sup> He seeks me out regardless,<\/p>\n
as if his popularity on the evening<\/p>\n
were a mere product of probability<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/sup>and mathematics.<\/p>\n
40<\/sup> We converse, as ever, but on this afternoon<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>his gaze falls not so fixed upon me.<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a041<\/sup> I trace its line, and at its end<\/p>\n
find a woman of shy, unutterable beauty,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>jewel-eyed and gold-haired,<\/p>\n
visage not so unlike his former tavern favorite,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>with naught save a punchcup<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>to amuse her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
punchcup:<\/em> container for drink, sometimes narcotic<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
 <\/p>\n
42<\/sup> What happens next can I scarce explain<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>except to say, it is in my power alone<\/p>\n
to do. 43<\/sup> Inventing a need for rest, I shed Steve,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>and interrupt my return to take<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>some punch beside the maiden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
rest:<\/em> waste elimination<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 44<\/sup> To steer her to the topic takes<\/p>\n
only a hello. 45 <\/sup>\u2018Friend of Steve?\u2019<\/p>\n
she wishes to know. \u2018Only the best,\u2019<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>I say. \u2018Are you acquainted?\u2019<\/p>\n
46<\/sup> She sips, marshaling her nerve,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>then offers, \u2018Not so much<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>as I would like.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
nerve:<\/em> declarations of sexual admiration were discouraged among strangers<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
47<\/sup> \u2018You must not be timid,\u2019 I advise,<\/p>\n
as a prisoner might load a bullet<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/sup>for his own execution.<\/p>\n
48<\/sup> Her doubt matches what his would have.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>\u2018Broach no misgivings,\u2019 I tell her firm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
misgivings:<\/em> rejection was generalized, feared<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>\u2018Do not hesitate. 49<\/sup> I am confident<\/p>\n
in my counsel, for Steve and I<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>have passed together many hours,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>and I know him so well.\u2019<\/p>\n
 <\/p>\n
50<\/sup> Now in my solitude do I find<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/sup>no measure of relief.<\/p>\n
51<\/sup> Not enough of him, it seems,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>was preferable to my yearnings<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>than none at all.<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a052 <\/sup>Nor is my love so pure<\/p>\n
as to make his delight sufficient<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>for mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
pure:<\/em> some authorities substitute \u2018asexual\u2019<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
53<\/sup> Our appointments are set for<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>a soon that never comes; 54<\/sup> the object<\/p>\n
of our idle daytalk no longer us<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>but her.<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 55<\/sup> \u2018A miracle,\u2019 he calls it true.<\/p>\n
How much truer a miracle would mine be,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>when of ten Steves full nine<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>would nature steal?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
miracle:<\/em> most events were considered probable<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
56<\/sup> In charity there is no sense. In faith<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup>there is no hope. 57<\/sup> Each is<\/p>\n
at the mercy of another, yet we govern<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/sup>but our selves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
faith\u2026hope:<\/em> were often confused<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 58 <\/sup>I shall never be repaid,<\/p>\n
nor shall my prayer be answered.<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 59<\/sup> In Steve there was no purpose.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/sup><\/strong>It dwelled alone in me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
In Steve\u2026in me:<\/em> Would have been seen as contradictory. Would not have been understood.<\/pre>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
 <\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Alas, as befits an artpiece, I shall never touch,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 only see.<\/p>\n
I shall never have him in my privacy,<\/p>\n
nor regale him with secrets,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 nor behold him in his nakedness,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 nor embrace him at my will.<\/p>\n
For Steve, above all, adores women,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0and I, in my despair,<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 am a man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":182,"featured_media":20660,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20208","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fiction","writer-robert-schwoch"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20208","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/182"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20208"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20208\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20669,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20208\/revisions\/20669"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/20660"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20208"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20208"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20208"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}