I\u2019d like to tell the sun, the persistent, pervasive sun, to get bent. I\u2019d crease it centerwise myself, fold it twice for good measure, and slip it into that one-finger pocket they sewed into my jeans, but it won\u2019t comply. All it wants to do is deaden the summer air, hissing and spitting above the lakefront like a signal flare. Outside. Inside my cube it\u2019s a naked bulb hanging in the corner, aglow in the periphery of my bloodshot eye. Buzzing in my ear. Where the switch is I can\u2019t recall.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not a sadist. Not perverted, strictly speaking. I don\u2019t care what the Chief Executive Officer said into the microphone during his outburst. Or human resources after that. They\u2019re the ones who put his soapbox on the seventh-floor balcony in front of the highrise condos they just put up across the street, not me. And when you see two people fucking, with a capital F\u2014really sharing the spoils the way it should be\u2014who cares if the Company has gathered at three o\u2019clock on a Monday to hear the top dog give his all-hands spiel? You look, godammit, and you probably laugh. That\u2019s the human thing to do, and my enjoyment of that elegant intersection of things intangibly cosmic was not at the expense of Him and Them and the rest of my fellow employees. At least it wasn\u2019t meant to be. Sending someone home for a week, without pay, from one cube to the other, is the real transgression.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Since I\u2019m stuck here, today I\u2019d like to change this cube into a sphere. I can\u2019t knock down those walls\u2014definitely not covered by my security deposit. But something has to give. The light bulb is sway-dangling and the hardwood floors are scuffing and scratching as I slide my furniture around, chair, desk, coffee table, television set. I know! Finger to the sky. This is an epiphanic moment: I\u2019ll light a cigarette and put it all in a circle. Put it all in a circle and sit in the middle cross-legged, longer than ten seconds, for once. Set the boob tube to the fuzz. Turn the radio knob until it\u2019s right next to the jazz station, so close that some horns and a bit of fixed-wire brush come through but not all the way through, and smoke, smoke, smoke.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I shouldn\u2019t have done that yesterday, but screw Them. Home for a week, and now this? All because two brave exhibitionists chose a Monday\u2014coincidentally a Very Important Monday to a certain small-to-medium business just barely clutching to survival in this bratwurst city\u2014to make whoopee in broad daylight. I didn\u2019t point it out. I didn\u2019t shout, Hey you, shut up a second and look at those two angels, those two fearless forest nymphs. I just laughed. It started slow, yes, and built into what the suits might call a rolling cackle, but that\u2019s just how it comes out when it\u2019s organic; if it sounds derisive, well, what\u2019s a stuck mid-level supposed to do?<\/p>\n
That line of argument didn\u2019t fly with my Supervisor, nor Human Resources, who were both on the phone to give me the heave-ho. While they were reciting their premeditated speech\u2014\u201cGiven your recent behavior, and the strictures of our corporate policy\u2026\u201d\u2014I drew up a list of words that they probably didn\u2019t understand:<\/p>\n
Exhibitionist<\/p>\n
Angels<\/p>\n
Nymph<\/p>\n
Cackle<\/p>\n
Derisive<\/p>\n
Bratwurst (?)<\/p>\n
Still, the fire department had to come and they had nothing to do with this. I shouldn\u2019t have done what I did yesterday.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
As it turns out, and this is just occurring to me now, corporate stationery and the clear sheet of plastic over the opening of those pre-printed envelopes, they smoke heavy and blue when you burn them. Look at that! It\u2019s really going up. I\u2019m glad I put a damp towel in the middle of the circle before sitting down to this Very Important Work.<\/p>\n
Time for another list. An assessment of my day, so far: Waking up early, even though no work: permitted, but not ideal; Keeping the walls bare this far into a six-month lease: permitted; Arranging furniture in a circle: permitted; Smoking inside a studio apartment: prohibited; Smoking inside a studio apartment after being warned not to smoke inside a studio apartment: prohibited; Not having sex in said apartment this far into a six-month lease: permitted, but not ideal; Not having sex in said apartment this far into a six-month relationship: permitted, but cause for concern; Making a small pile of paper correspondence and official documentation in the center of said circle: permitted, albeit suspicious; Lighting a cigarette and using it to set fire to said pile: strictly prohibited and grounds for prosecution.<\/p>\n
Look at that impeccable use of the semicolon. Where\u2019s that on the quarterly eval, Mr. Chief Executive Officer? Mrs. Human Resources Administrator? Nevermind. Now I can actually hear the sirens coming down the street and for once in this up-and-comer part of town, thinking Are they coming for me? isn\u2019t crazy. Who called them, anyway? The landlord? I guess you can smell it in the hallway. My apologies, ma\u2019am. And sorry to make you come down here, fellas. I blame it squarely on sunshine and free love.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Just after coffee, and while admiring the irreversibility of my work, there\u2019s a knock at the door. Who knocks at this hour? Decorum be damned. There\u2019s still work to do in here, and not just cleanup. Fuck off, people. Really!<\/p>\n
I open the door and my pearl is standing there. Oh, my pearl. Items six and seven, list two. Hello I say, and she says hello back. She peeks in but only for a second. I can see this because the sky is overcast, finally overcast, and I don\u2019t have to shield my eyes. They\u2019re open wide and wet. She\u2019s looking at me like she doesn\u2019t need to see what\u2019s behind.<\/p>\n
Are you alright?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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