Its legs trembling, its back bowed under two overflowing baskets of human debris, The Donkey stood in front of The Man. Blood leaked from the wound made by a large nail jammed into its backbone near its rump.<\/p>\n
The Man grimaced, stepped around The Donkey, and yelled at the ceiling. \u201cHey, why am I waiting in line behind a dumb fucking beast that doesn\u2019t know how to do anything\u2013and doesn\u2019t grasp mortality?? Animals don\u2019t understand time\u2013I\u2019m the one with a larger brain\u2013I\u2019m the one with a more wrinkly cortex\u2013I\u2019m the one with a soul!\u201d<\/p>\n
Silence. The Man smashed his fingers on his iPhone.<\/p>\n
A Voice spoke to The Donkey in unintelligible tones. The Donkey hung its head, the end-of-day cloud marbles of its eyes lost in a blizzard of pain.<\/p>\n
The Man yanked junk from his pockets: an action figure, car keys, credit cards. Unable to find what he wanted, he swore and tossed his pocket garbage into The Donkey\u2019s baskets, before shoving the animal aside.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going over Your head to The Powers That Be!\u201d He manipulated his iPhone to project 3-D stained glass windows, a Buddha, a Hamsa, a Menorah, the pantheon of Yoruban deities, and others in a slowly turning circle around himself and The Donkey.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou god\/gods wherever you are,\u201d he chanted, gesticulating meaninglessly. \u201cI need something. I\u2019m not just asking for myself, of course\u2013Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Accessibility\u2014I\u2019ve been certified in all the required training, blah, blah, blah. Siri, connect me immediately with The Powers That Be.\u201d<\/p>\n
Siri connected him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour performance review is next,\u201d The Voice said.<\/p>\n
The Man raged, \u201cWell, excuse me, I’m almost out of time and The Donkey doesn’t seem to care, plus I highly doubt it has recorded history\u2013which I do!\u201d<\/p>\n
Silence. Then, The Voice said, \u201cHow much time do you feel you deserve?\u201d<\/p>\n
The Man stomped his foot. \u201cYou got infinity plus one amounts of time\u2013let\u2019s see, how about forever?\u201d He held out his iPhone. \u201cYou can trust me when I say this recording\u2019s real\u2013it was before Deep Fakes so it’s the real deal.\u201d He projected a video of a birthday party where The Donkey was the center of a Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey game. In place of its tail wiggled a bloody nub. The Man pointed proudly to a Child wearing a blindfold. \u201cMe when I was a child.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShow Me the complete moments of this recorded history of You as a Child,\u201d The Voice said.<\/p>\n
The Man tapped Play on his iPhone. The figures in the projection moved.<\/p>\n
\u201cWait, Donkey,\u201d the blindfolded Child said, recording with a first-generation iPhone. \u201cYour role is to hold still for this. It\u2019s part of your job.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo have my tail nailed to the wall as I carry the party for all of You,\u201d The Donkey murmured.<\/p>\n
Stamping his feet, The Child yanked off the blindfold, forgetting the iPhone was still recording. \u201cIt\u2019s for kids.\u00a0 Kids\u2013we love you because we love animals.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Donkey sighed. \u201cYou love animals to death.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Child waved the nail, not looking at it or The Donkey. A few bloody tail hairs fell from the nail, drifted to the floor. \u201cBut it’s only a thumbtack.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Donkey ducked reflexively. \u201cThat, when blindfolded, You can just as easily stick into my eye as my rump. All that exists for me is the burden and the stab of the nail.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you bear your burdens admirably,\u201d The Child\u2019s voice conveyed childish insincerity.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I am just an ass.\u201d The Donkey limped in a circle. \u201cHow long have I got to live?\u201d<\/p>\n
The Donkey and The Child waited for an answer from A Voice which came in unintelligible sounds. Both of them appeared to understand the meaning of the sounds.<\/p>\n
Here, The Man paused the recording. \u201cThat\u2019s You, You can\u2019t deny it!\u201d he said to The Voice.<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
The Man frowned, waited. Silence. He pressed Play.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Voice says thirty years is your reward for your faithful service,\u201d The Child stated as though The Donkey was stupid.<\/p>\n
\u201cRespectfully, I was part of the same conversation as You and received that message directly.\u201d The Donkey bowed its head.<\/p>\n
The Child stuck out his lip, yanked his blindfold back over his eyes, and aimed the nail to pierce The Donkey\u2019s rump.<\/p>\n
The Donkey jerked in anticipatory pain. \u201cI humbly beseech you, My Dear Child, as my gift to You on Your birthday, please relieve me of having to carry so many years.\u201d Its legs trembled.<\/p>\n
Triumphant, The Child laughed and tore off his blindfold. He paused, then bound it around The Donkey’s eyes. The Donkey stopped trembling. The Child Man nailed The Donkey’s tail onto its rump. The recording ended.<\/p>\n
The Man projected religious symbols around himself once again. \u201cYou see? The Donkey doesn\u2019t even know who or what You are! It thinks I\u2019m You.\u201d The Man snorted. \u201cThe Donkey gave me its time even though only You can do that!\u201d<\/p>\n
More unintelligible sounds passed between The Voice and The Donkey after which The Donkey trudged through the circle of symbols into the darkness beyond the line.<\/p>\n
The Man started forward when The Dog entered the ring of symbols in front of him and lay down, looking upward. Unintelligible sounds passed between The Voice and The Dog.<\/p>\n
The Man sighed loudly. \u201cHello, still here and running out of time to do important things while you talk with mere beasts!\u201d<\/p>\n
The Voice spoke. \u201cThe Donkey and The Dog are included in your recorded history. As you are literally presenting them as the key witnesses for your case, they are before you in line.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rolling his eyes, The Man pressed play, starting another recording. He paused it, pointing to himself as a Young Man in the projected video. \u201cMe as a Young Man,\u201d he said, half to The Voice, half to himself in a gloom. Shaking himself out of it, he gritted his teeth and pressed Play.<\/p>\n
This recording took place at a dog show. The Dog was made to race around an obstacle course of barrels, tunnels, hoops, mudpits. Halfway through a tunnel, The Dog lay down, its sides heaving.<\/p>\n
The Young Man smacked a small whip against his trouser leg. \u201cTeddy Rex! T. Rex! You can\u2019t stop now just because you know what\u2019s going to happen next!\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to finish the course before they call time!\u201d<\/p>\n
The Dog lay its head on folded front paws. \u201cI have fetched more sticks and sodden tennis balls than I can remember.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Young Man scoffed. \u201cBut I do remember.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Dog raised its head. \u201cHow many then?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c6,650,497.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. \u201c<\/p>\n
\u201c6,650,513.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re lying!\u201d The Man shouted.<\/p>\n
The Dog lowered its head. \u201cWhen have I ever lied to You?\u201d<\/p>\n
The Young Man fumed, red-faced. \u201cYou\u2019re lying now. As in down on the job.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI forgive You, Master. It matters, but I forgive You. And I have loved without question every moment with You, even those You have forgotten.\u201d The Dog laid its head on The Young Man\u2019s knee.<\/p>\n
The Young Man pushed him away. \u201cThen why aren\u2019t you finishing the course so we can get the ultimate trophy?!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI humbly request that if You must reward me, consider how I shall have to run to finish. My feet will never hold out so long, and when I have once lost my voice for barking, and my teeth for biting, what will be left for me to do but run from one corner to another and growl?\u201d The Dog leaned unnaturally, its head jerking repetitively to the right. It attempted to bow to the Young Man.<\/p>\n
Disappointed, The Young Man shook his head and held up a hypodermic needle. The Dog half lay, half fell down before him. The recording ended.<\/p>\n
The Man fussed with his iPhone which projected a new collection of religious symbols.<\/p>\n
The Voice spoke unintelligibly to The Dog once again. The Man kicked The Dog out of the line. It slunk away in the direction The Donkey had taken. \u201cThe Dog doesn’t want more time! Why are You making Me beg?\u201d<\/p>\n
The Voice said, \u201cI have asked The Dog to wait.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Man started forward, but The Monkey had already taken The Dog\u2019s and The Donkey\u2019s place in the line.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy are You letting these creatures waste my precious time!\u201d The Man roared.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease continue with the recorded history.\u201d The Voice spoke with the faintest whisper of a warning. Or maybe The Man imagined that part.<\/p>\n
The Man pressed play. This recording had been filmed in a medical lab. He paused it and sarcastically pointed to The Older Man in a lab coat and then to himself, mocking The Animals\u2019 and The Voice\u2019s intelligence.<\/p>\n
The Voice waited.<\/p>\n
The Man pressed play. In this recorded history, The Monkey bore many wounds, shaved spots, rotting bandages. It scratched at itself as it sat against the bars of its cage, signing sometimes to itself, sometimes to The Older Man.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s all right, you can speak.\u201d The Older Man fussed with a tray of tools.<\/p>\n
The Monkey hesitated. \u201cI do not want You to think I do not like signing, because I do.\u00a0 Between the organ grinding and the occidental medicine expeditions, in fact, I love signing, really I do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo why are you speaking instead of signing?\u201d The Older Man grit his teeth.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I want You to feel comfortable.\u00a0 Really, that is what is most important.\u00a0 I know it puts me closer to Your level if I speak.\u00a0 And I want to make up for that baseless rumor about You coming from me when everyone knows You come from The Infinite.\u00a0 I am still being punished for that.\u00a0 I think that is why I am here, is it not?\u00a0 No disrespect, I mean, if this was Your decision.\u00a0 I understand if You are more important than me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Older Man picked up a scalpel. \u201cYou can always find a way to enjoy your life, no matter the job.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Monkey shivered. \u201cI am always to play merry pranks and make faces which force people to laugh and if they give me a banana, and I bite into it, why it is rotten!\u00a0 How often sadness hides itself behind resourcefulness.\u00a0 Do you know I have never groomed another monkey?\u00a0 Never picked a bug for one like me?\u00a0 Only my own scabs.\u00a0 I pretend they are bugs when I close my eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Older Man removed the bandages on The Monkey’s head and replaced them with a metal helmet hooked to a computer. The recording ended. The religious symbols spun around The Man.<\/p>\n
The Voice spoke unintelligibly to The Monkey. The Monkey stepped out of the circle of whirling symbols as The Donkey reappeared and stepped back in.<\/p>\n
The Man stomped and growled, \u201cWell?\u201d His iPhone alarm sounded.<\/p>\n
The Voice announced, \u201cThe Donkey, The Dog, and The Monkey have all agreed to give you what remains of their infinity.\u201d<\/p>\n
The religious symbols of The Man\u2019s iPhone app winked out. The circle now rushing around The Man transformed into the numbers and lights of the Dow, the Nasdaq, and the S&P.\u00a0 The Man collapsed in the throes of a heart attack. People rushed around him, trading and yelling.<\/p>\n
The Man struggled to stop the heart attack. \u201cHow can this be happening to me?\u00a0 I work out six times a week–I take all the right drugs–the doctor told me my heart was as healthy as a child\u2019s\u2014-I\u2019m only, only\u2026\u201d He gasped and huffed, unable to speak.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have given you all the time of your life,\u201d The Voice said, emotionlessly.<\/p>\n
The Man struggled to make hand signals for trades as other traders stepped on and over him, grimacing. \u201cGive\u2026me\u2026more!”<\/p>\n
The Monkey died. The Voice spoke from above The Man. \u201cHere is all of The Monkey’s time.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Man crawled, yelping as other people crushed his fingers underfoot. \u201cGoddamned You–give me infinity!\u201d<\/p>\n
The Dog died. \u201cHere is all of The Dog’s time.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Man tried to shake his fist, his face purple with effort. \u201cI work harder than any dog already, You bastard!\u00a0 More!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll that remains is The Donkey’s life.\u201d The Voice sounded very far away now, somewhere above The Man.<\/p>\n
The Man hauled himself onto his knees, only able to use one arm and in agony. \u201cI can\u2013can outsmart any Monkey, work\u2013work harder than any Dog, and bear\u2013bear more than any Donkey–give their lives to me now!\u201d<\/p>\n
The red rows of changing numbers exploded, plunging The Man into complete darkness. As he groped in the pitch black for anything to help him stand, thugs shoved him down and kicked him over and over. The Man cried for help. The thugs yelled, “Hold him down!” The Man screamed as a metal bat clocked him. The thugs took his iPhone and shone its powerful flashlight in his eyes, blinding him. Someone began carving him with a knife, then wiped the bloody knife on his shredded clothing.<\/p>\n
The iPhone and its flashlight went flying as something began kicking the thugs with superhuman force. The Donkey brayed. Emergency lights came on. The Donkey collapsed.<\/p>\n
A little dog and a monkey sat near a ragged pile of belongings. Next to them was a sign that read: I’m going to die and can’t care for my beloved babies anymore. Please help them.<\/p>\n
The dog rushed over and licked The Man’s face until he pushed himself up off the ground, using The Donkey\u2019s dead body. As The Man staggered to his feet, the little monkey brought antiseptic and bandages from the small pile of supplies and began cleaning and dressing The Man\u2019s wounds where the thugs had carved the words The Universe Sent Me into his back.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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