Les opened the door of his vintage Spartanette travel trailer, looked down, saw Frizanne staring up from the desert floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cTook me long enough to find you,\u201d she said, pushing her bag and her sweet potato self past the screen door. \u201cQuite the dump you got here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGlad you like it,\u201d Les said. \u201cMaybe you\u2019d like it more if you hadn\u2019t tried so hard to track me down.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGlad I found you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cChrist, woman, I thought my note made it clear I didn\u2019t want you to find me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hands on hips, she scanned the wood paneling of the ceiling, the plywood cabinets and the two easy chairs.<\/p>\n
\u201cLooks like you\u2019re planning to stay,\u201d she said. \u201cWho\u2019s in charge of sanitation around here?\u201d<\/p>\n
She swiped a finger through the bacon fat congealed in the bottom of the cast iron frying pan on his stove. She bent down, unzipped her bag and pulled out two yellow dishwashing gloves and a bottle of Dawn.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou just relax while I get this mess in shape.\u201d<\/p>\n
A part of him was happy to see her. She was hard-wired to scrub. The much bigger part of him was wondering how in the hell she found him. The note he stuck to the fridge the morning he fled toward Joshua Tree said she could keep the hacienda on the swamp. After twenty years of edicts and directives, he knew he would never figure her out. Wasn\u2019t sure he wanted to.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe you\u2019ll find yourself a nice \u2018gator,\u201d he wrote in his note.<\/p>\n
No self-respecting gator would have her. All he wanted was his retirement checks and a continent between them.<\/p>\n
He stepped outside, pulled a Camel from his pack. He inhaled deeply, blew smoke toward the park\u2019s loop road. Friz had blocked his car with her panel van. He heard something thumping in the cargo space.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s in the van?\u201d he called inside.<\/p>\n
\u201cGot me a pet,\u201d she said. \u201cName\u2019s Brutus. He\u2019s good company. Still a baby. Needed protection after my husband abandoned me.\u201d<\/p>\n
He felt himself sliding toward a discussion when LuBella pulled her Caddy to a stop at the end of his driveway. He walked over and leaned in the passenger window.<\/p>\n
\u201cCompany?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy ex. All the way from Florida. Like a bounty hunter.\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled, nodded. She had been a looker. She was still lookable, better than most half her age. On a scale of 11, she was a 10.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe kicks you out, you can sleep at my place.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf she doesn\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can sleep at my place.\u201d<\/p>\n
She winked. Her unit was on the far side of the park, near the pool. First driveway behind the Saguaro Eateria. They liked to joke that the prices were so good because it was \u201cused food.\u201d If it was a car dealership, it would be \u201cpre-chewed.\u201d She hit the gas and he turned towards home.<\/p>\n
Friz gave him the evil eye when he stepped inside. \u201cThat your girlfriend?\u201d she asked. \u201cFigured you had a reason. How long you know each other?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, we knew each other since kiddy garden,\u201d he said. \u201cMe and her, we used to fuck during nap time while the teacher slept. Then we\u2019d\u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
The soapy dish glove hit him smack in the face. He peeled it off, lobbed it back.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere you stayin\u2019?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cHere. You\u2019re still my husband, best I can tell.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at his ring finger. His ring was still there. Why, he could not say. He slipped off the band, tossed it at her. She missed the catch and it rattled into the sink. \u201cYou can have the bed,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
He turned and went back outside and down the steps and started walking toward LuBe\u2019s. She was waiting on her steps, sipping a beer. \u201cKick you out?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cKicked myself out,\u201d he said. They both knew different, laughed. She got him a beer and they sat there, listening to the trucks on the freeway and enjoying the desert air.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere was a lot about her that I thought I liked when we got married,\u201d he said. \u201cThen she sobered up. Me, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood in bed?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood for nuthin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou eat?\u201d<\/p>\n
He followed her inside, and she pulled out another plate, put a couple of crispy taco shells on it and spooned in seasoned meat from the frying pan. He sat down, helped himself to grated cheese and lettuce. Afterward, he cleaned up while she ran the TV remote. They settled into her sofa and he reached for her hand. She wore denim shorts and an overloaded halter top.<\/p>\n
In the morning, he went back to his own place. Friz had locked the door. He knocked. She made him wait. When she cracked the door, he pushed in and past her.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s your plan?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cDrag you back where you belong,\u201d she said, so casual he was stunned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy would I go back to that hellhole?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBe with your lovin\u2019 wife?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou may be my wife, but you sure ain\u2019t lovin\u2019. You\u2019re the meanest thing I ever seen. Hell, all my friends keep trying to take me camping. They want to do an intervention.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIntervention? For what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExorcism is what I meant. Give me a Drano enema to flush the devil out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDevil? I told you you should go to church.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGod ain\u2019t never seen the likes of you,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
She turned all red and started sputtering and walking in circles and then she picked up a pancake flipper from the counter and headed to the door.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere you goin\u2019?\u201d Les asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave me a talk with Miss TittyTop.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGet back in here. LuBe ain\u2019t none of your business.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust gotta remove a little obstacle to you and me patchin\u2019 things up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Les called LuBe to warn her. Outside, he heard Friz get something from her van and slam the door. He looked out the door. Friz was walking fast as she could drag a midsize \u2018gator down the loop road. He wasn\u2019t worried. LuBe could take care of herself. She had worked in a topless joint until tips bought her retirement. She had slapped a few gators in her time.<\/p>\n
Before long, he heard elevated voices off in the distance. He couldn\u2019t make out who or what. Les had an idea. He started walking. Halfway there, he heard sirens. Somebody had called the law. The sirens beat him there. Lights flashed off LuBe\u2019s place from the top of the patrol car. A cop stood in her doorway, another by the car.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet him away from me,\u201d LuBe screamed from inside.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s friendly, you stupid cunt,\u201d Friz said. \u201cDon\u2019t shoot him, just pet him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPet him, my ass,\u201d LuBe yelled. \u201cI will shoot. Ain\u2019t afraid to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPut the weapon down, Ma\u2019am,\u201d the cop said.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot till she gets that beast outta my house. I got a right to defend myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe can\u2019t hurt you, Titty-Bar,\u201d Friz yelled. \u201cAin\u2019t got no teeth. Pulled \u2018em myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJust put the gun down,\u201d the cop said. \u201cNobody gets hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n
Les heard LuBe scream.<\/p>\n
Then the shotgun blast.<\/p>\n
Then Friz screaming, \u201cTake your head off, you murderin\u2019 bitch!\u201d<\/p>\n
Then the cop firing once.<\/p>\n
He wasn\u2019t a very good shot. He had aimed for LuBe \u2013 the one with the gun \u2013 but he hit Friz in the butt.<\/p>\n
Les hustled up the steps, stared into the shitshow. The cop was calling for medical.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd animal control,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
Les wondered if that was for Friz or Brutus. Ol\u2019 gatemouth had his prehistoric yap clamped around LuBe\u2019s upper thigh. No teeth, no blood.\u00a0 Checkin\u2019 that out, Les felt a tingle down low. He ran past his whining and squirming wannabe-ex spouse to LuBe. He held her face close to his and kissed her with a mixture of fear and anger and desire.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet him off me, please,\u201d LuBe cried. \u201cLike to gum me to death.\u201d<\/p>\n
Friz rolled around the floor, leaking butt blood on LuBe\u2019s shag. \u201cYou killed my pet!\u201d she wailed.<\/p>\n
\u201cIrreconcilable differences, looks to me,\u201d Les said.<\/p>\n
He turned and tried to pry the shotgunned gator\u2019s jaw from around LuBe\u2019s ankle. Brutus had an ironclad grip. Rigor mortis. Les went to LuBe\u2019s tool shed and came back with an ax.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf this don\u2019t loosen them jaws,\u201d he said, smiling at LuBe, \u201cmight have to take off your leg. Just be glad Friz ain\u2019t bit you. Damnphibian like her, still got most of her teeth. And I ain\u2019t never seen her floss. No tellin\u2019 what we might have to do to detach you.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A part of him was happy to see her. She was hard-wired to scrub. The much bigger part of him was wondering how in the hell she found him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":19106,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[3036,3034,1386,2926,719,3032,3031,3035,1287,3033],"class_list":["post-18309","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fiction","tag-alligators","tag-desert","tag-divorce","tag-escape","tag-marriage","tag-pursuit","tag-reinvention","tag-showdown","tag-trailer-park","tag-unusual-pets","writer-stuart-k-watson"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18309","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18309"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18309\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19108,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18309\/revisions\/19108"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19106"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18309"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18309"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18309"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}