{"id":16988,"date":"2021-11-03T05:00:15","date_gmt":"2021-11-03T09:00:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/?p=16988"},"modified":"2022-08-03T13:09:45","modified_gmt":"2022-08-03T17:09:45","slug":"its-always-the-boyfriend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/fiction\/its-always-the-boyfriend\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s Always the Boyfriend"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0<\/strong>To Grant,<\/p>\n

I am sorry to do this to you, but I\u2019ve left your mam. We talked all morning and decided it\u2019s for the best. There\u2019s nowt between me and Tiffany anymore and being here is doing my head in. I am sorry to be leaving you in it, mind. I do realise how unfair it is to expect you to look after her on your own. I\u2019ll be gone by the time you get back from school.<\/p>\n

I can keep up with your doings on Facebook and Instagram, so that\u2019s not so bad as it would have been back in the day. I\u2019ll have to move to another town, see, somewhere I\u2019m not so recognisable. But the reason I\u2019ll be staying in Yorkshire is in hopes that you\u2019ll visit sometimes. When I\u2019m settled, I\u2019ll send my new address. I\u2019ve no plans yet.<\/p>\n

I want to say that Amybeth was a lovely girl and I\u2019m still really sad about what happened to her. I know you are too. She didn\u2019t deserve it. I mean, nobody does, but especially not a lovely, smiley, pretty little angel like she was.<\/p>\n

I did grieve for her. I\u2019m still grieving for her. That time was difficult for me in other ways, too, though. I tried to support your mam and you, only the doctor put her on all those pills, which must have been really strong\u2014well, they are\u2014and I don\u2019t see her coming off them anytime soon. I can see why she wanted them. Reality was unbearable. It\u2019s made it hard for me to connect with her is the thing. I don\u2019t know what she needs from me, how she\u2019s feeling, or owt.<\/p>\n

What it is, though, is that I don\u2019t think I can get over all that Amybeth stuff while I\u2019m here. Because I wasn\u2019t just sad that she was dead, and I wasn\u2019t just trying to look after you two, I also had to deal with everyone\u2019s suspicion.<\/p>\n

Sorry\u2014this note is turning out longer than I expected. Looks like there\u2019s more stuff that I want you to understand than I thought. I hope you don\u2019t mind that I\u2019ve took the pages out of one of your old maths books. I couldn\u2019t find any other paper.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure what use I\u2019ve been but I hope it did help that I stayed. Otherwise, what\u2019s the point?<\/p>\n

Any time a kid goes missing, if her mam\u2019s got a boyfriend, they always reckon it was him done it. We all know better now, but back then the whole world was sure I was a child murderer. They thought they knew why I\u2019d done it, too. Didn\u2019t help that the cops kept having me in for questioning. Then when her body was found, with those awful injuries, it got even worse.<\/p>\n

I knew I hadn\u2019t done it, and I suppose those two girls knew, and I\u2019m pretty sure your mam did too, though it was hard to tell what she was thinking or feeling. As far as anyone else was concerned, it must have been me. I don\u2019t know what you thought, what with Tiffany sending you off to her sister. Doesn\u2019t matter anymore. There\u2019s no point you feeling bad now if you were scared of me for a bit. I get it.<\/p>\n

The worst thing was, they were all saying I must be a pervert. For fuck\u2019s sake \u2013 a four year-old! You\u2019d have to be one sick fucker. But I guess those things do happen, so those bastards must be out there, which is why folk thought I was one. You were too young to know about sex stuff then, but these days you do. You know I\u2019m not like that.<\/p>\n

The papers didn\u2019t help\u2014reporting every time the police turned up for me. Telly, too, and online. They shouldn\u2019t have dug up my criminal record from before I met your mam. They made that look much worse than it was. It was just Community Service stuff. I only ended up inside because I lost track of the hours I was meant to do. \u2018Violent Criminal Record\u2019 they called it. I mean, yeah, I\u2019ve been in a few bar fights, mostly when I was a squaddie. That was what we did when we came home. Then I was drinking too much when I got out of the army, so that\u2019s why I nicked that booze. I\u2019d had to move back in with me nan, and you know how things are with me and her. Since I got out of the nick, I\u2019ve been a moderate drinker. You know that. I\u2019ve been clean and straight.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to lose sight of your life sometimes. Try to learn from my mistakes, Grant.<\/p>\n

The cops gave up on me soon enough, because they had no evidence, but if those two girls hadn\u2019t have told that mate of theirs what they\u2019d done to Amybeth, and if she hadn\u2019t gone to the police, the press would be printing insinuations about me to this day.<\/p>\n

Her funeral was horrible. You were best off kept away. I know you don\u2019t always think that, but you were. It was a nice gesture for them to do it in the cathedral, but that made it worse for me. It would have looked bad if I hadn\u2019t gone, so I had to, but it was grim walking past those crowds, with every one of them looking at me funny. I\u2019d rather have crossed another mine field. I don\u2019t feel like I really said goodbye to Amybeth, too busy keeping my head down.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if your mam was even aware I was there, or that we were in that grand cathedral, or what the bishop said, or the cameras, or even that it was Amybeth in the coffin, or\u00a0 owt at all.<\/p>\n

It was a relief when those girls were arrested. Then there was the wait. You came back home, but none of the mams would let your mates come round here to play, you always had to go to them. Then, months later, the court case got the wider world interested again, going over my convictions, printing my photo.<\/p>\n

Thank God those bitches were found guilty and locked up. I suppose secure mental hospital is the right place \u2013 but part of me wishes they were doing time inside, really suffering for what they did to Amybeth, what they put the rest of us through.<\/p>\n

To be honest, I would have left here years ago if things hadn\u2019t happened the way they did. These last few years, I\u2019ve stayed because I didn\u2019t feel I could do owt else. I never wanted to be the man who left that poor woman after her little girl was murdered.<\/p>\n

When I met Tiffany at the Social Club, I thought she was a great laugh, but I never dreamed I\u2019d still be with her almost four years later. I was dossing on Lammo\u2019s sofa back then. It made more sense for me to move in here, \u2019cos I was spending most nights with Tiffany as it was. It was never a commitment. I\u2019ve not pretended to be your dad, have I? Tiffany understood at the time, but now I can\u2019t always tell what she understands and what she doesn\u2019t, what with the pills and that.<\/p>\n

As it goes, I\u2019d just applied for a job in Aberdeen when poor Amybeth went missing. I didn\u2019t get it, so it makes no odds, but I couldn\u2019t have taken it if I had done, could I? Not with all that going on. After the cops\u2019d had me in all those times, I don\u2019t suppose the offer would still have been there even if they\u2019d wanted me in the first place. Anyhow, I didn\u2019t apply for any more jobs up there. I stayed here with you and your mam, though now I can\u2019t work out if it did any good.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re a good lad, Grant. I know school doesn\u2019t suit you any more than it did me, but keep working at it so you don\u2019t end up with no option but wars in deserts. Get yourself a trade, that\u2019s my advice. I know I\u2019ve not been much of a role model. Maybe I can do better at that when I get away from here.<\/p>\n

I reckon I need to go and find a bus now. I\u2019ve left you my Blink 182 CDs because you always liked them. Keep in touch. Look after your mam and look after yourself.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry,<\/p>\n

From<\/p>\n

Dobzy<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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