I watch you dance with Shane in the big rodeo corral of Bar 918. It\u2019s oppressively country even for Oklahoma. Shane\u2019s six-foot-two, all Levi\u2019s and self-deprecation. You\u2019re something else. The lights alternate bar mitzvah orange and blue. You\u2019re two-stepping. We have plans to bird watch in our old age, mine sooner than yours.<\/p>\n
You taught me two-step. Though there are only three steps, I constantly need relearning. You laugh whenever I dance. This pattern\u2014forget, teach again\u2014is a homey point of contention, like our couch. Of course you\u2019re right: my dancing is a disaster.<\/p>\n
Before, I asked Timmy Tiger where you and Little Ralphie went and he said, \u201c We don\u2019t all keep track of each other.\u201d He said he meant Cherokees, like you, and I thought he meant gay guys, like Ralphie. Either way, he was laughing and I felt like an ass. Timmy said two-stepping was the official dance of white people. I circled my face, gave him the \u2018not all white people\u2019 and he said I was the other kind, Sweater White. I rhymed yachts with square knots.<\/p>\n
Earlier still, at a gluten-free brewery ringed by your art, you bragged on me singing karaoke, Ludacris\u2019 verse from \u201cGossip Folks\u201d by memory. There was a whole tangent on snagging, hooking up at powwows and such. The jokes were mild and strange. I come from a long line of \u201cit\u2019s not offensive if it\u2019s funny,\u201d a long heritage of not-funny people. I watched out for jokes I didn\u2019t belong in. I\u2019m still learning to pivot.<\/p>\n
I say you have a voice like a Disney princess and you say, \u201cI can\u2019t sing.\u201d It\u2019s like when I compliment your butt and you say, \u201cI don\u2019t have a butt.\u201d Or like when I call you brilliant and you say, \u201cI don\u2019t see why.\u201d It\u2019s the easiest thing in the world, telling you true things you refuse to believe. All night you\u2019re unimpressed, moving forward.<\/p>\n
Your bangs are kinetic. You say \u201cI love it!\u201d when you love Alice\u2019s shawl, Timmy\u2019s tiny wine pouch. Your back is an agony of nerves tucked against your spine from preparing for your show, but you animate the table. You talk about race cars and setting picks in basketball and spook trails. It\u2019s all become a language I\u2019ve learned. You smile with your chin thrust out.<\/p>\n
We held hands walking down the street headed to a unicorn bar, the saddest place in Tulsa. I watched dudes malingering around the dance floor like carnies. The sight made my scalp itch to back when I was unsteady with hygiene, unsure of what to do with my mouth, leering at every wrong time, careless with what was given to me. At times I doubt what\u2019s left of my talent for reinvention.<\/p>\n
Shane can two-step like he got it in church when he was eight. Shane I don\u2019t mind, though you look good together. I might be making a mistake, but at some point you have to be ready to look foolish. I watch you step on beat, watch Shane spin you and smile. You grapevine, another move I can\u2019t master. I still think that I could learn. You quote Beauty and the Beast in Shane\u2019s handsome little ear, your black braid whipping, thick as the rope you\u2019d throw a drowning dog.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I might be making a mistake, but at some point you have to be ready to look foolish. I watch you step on beat, watch Shane spin you and smile. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":16627,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[760],"tags":[2484,140,2373],"class_list":["post-16430","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-creative-nonfiction","tag-dancing","tag-love","tag-oklahoma","writer-christopher-murphy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16430","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16430"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16430\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16619,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16430\/revisions\/16619"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16627"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16430"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16430"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrbullbull.com\/newbull\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16430"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}