Your Constant Worry Will Save Us All


If you’re like this one worried person that I know then you probably worry a lot or you are that person. Worry leads to stress which can be bad for your immune system. You might get sick to your stomach because you worry that you may have accidentally killed the star quarterback of your local football team with your snowmobile when you were blackout drunk, or you might suffer from migraines while worrying about what to wear when Jesus raptures everybody up. Or you could get lung cancer from worrying about stomach cancer. In any cases, that worry might be saving everyone else’s lives! So keep it up, please.

A new study out of SUNY Downstate finds that worrying may be the thing that has allowed our species to survive so long. High intelligence and the ability to worry seem to go hand in hand. The more a person worries, the less likely he or she is to take risks and the more likely he or she is to survive. Not only that, but the more intelligent a person is, the more risks they can think up and avoid. All this, in theory, should lead to intelligent, neurotic people producing more babies because they die less often in knife fights and wolf pits. Only when it comes to dating, however, the neurotic worriers can’t get their shit together and just be happy. I’m talking to you, Amanda.

Historically speaking, it may have been the worriers who have kept the species afloat for so long. They got us through those Middle Ages for sure! So keep up the worrying, you neurotic, unhappy gentlemen and gentlewomen. Continue pulling out your hair, biting your nails, grinding your teeth and getting terrible, terrible stress-based diseases in the very hollows of your bones, so that the rest of the species can play with loud guns and have unprotected sex in hot tubs.

[break]Source: Medical News Today


About the Author

<p>"Dr." J.P. HuxtaBULL completed several CPR and sewing courses in the former Soviet Union and has received honorary medical degrees from the University of Okoboji, Empire State University and Hudson College. He currently works as a sports physician for various underground fight clubs and lawn dart leagues.</p>