Athlete’s Neck

Athlete’s Neck



Athletes, thick-necked, musclebound and possibly covered in shimmering oil, can finally breathe a sigh of relief. A new procedure has come along that can cure scalenus syndrome, a compression of the veins and nerves of the neck caused by having large neck muscles.

The people most afflicted with scalenus syndrome are wrestlers, rowers, professional judo fighters and javelineers. So, basically, wrestlers and nine other dudes.

Sportspersons who suffer from athlete’s neck complained of pain, tingling, loss of dexterity, feelings of wussiness, swelling, finger stiffness.

The new surgery cuts away about a centimeter of the scalenus muscle, reducing the size of the athlete’s nigh-unscarveable neck and relieving the pressure on veins and nerves.

“I recommend this procedure for professional athletes only. Anyone else who has this disorder needs to lay off the neckmaster,” said a doctor.

Here is a short list of other athletic disorders:


About the Author

<p>"Dr." J.P. HuxtaBULL completed several CPR and sewing courses in the former Soviet Union and has received honorary medical degrees from the University of Okoboji, Empire State University and Hudson College. He currently works as a sports physician for various underground fight clubs and lawn dart leagues.</p>