No Hope For the Insect Bitten


If an insect bites you, it’s game over. There is nothing you can do. Your life is pretty much fucked and will be a living hell until that bite goes away.  If a mosquito bites you and you get an itchy welt, learn to live with that welt because it’s yours until your pathetic immune system can cure it.

“Oh, no,” you say. “I bought all this medicine for the insect bites that have ravaged my flea-bitten carcass.”

Well, guess what, smart guy? That shit doesn’t even work good. A review in the Drug and Research Bulletin outed over-the-counter anti-bug-bite medication as bullshit. It doesn’t work for horseflies or gadflies or bedbugs or anything. It’s just a waste of money.  Some doctors will recommend antihistamines, but those doctors are really just giving you a placebo to shut that bug-chewed yap of yours. There is no evidence that insect-bite medications do anything but help people with eczema, but not if they’ve been bitten by bugs.

Here is what doctors want you to know about bug bites.


DTB deputy editor David Phizackerley said, “Our message is that most insect bites will clear up without treatment.”

Translation of above quote:”Stop going to the doctor every time a goddamn bug bites you.”

Here are some things you can do to prevent bug bites:

  • Make a bug-proof suit of armor out of tinfoil
  • Live at the South Pole
  • Study insects, learn their ways, become part of their community, marry a rich bee.
  • Write insects very stern letter about how their biting is inappropriate and hurts
  • Wear the pelts of slain insects about your body.

Source: NewsPlurk


About the Author

<p>"Dr." J.P. HuxtaBULL completed several CPR and sewing courses in the former Soviet Union and has received honorary medical degrees from the University of Okoboji, Empire State University and Hudson College. He currently works as a sports physician for various underground fight clubs and lawn dart leagues.</p>