Human-Stairs Relations at All-Time High

Stairs have been around since ancient Babylon. Stairs were so revolutionary in those days that only the bravest warriors were allowed to tread them and even then the survival rate of stair-usage was one in three. If you’ve read your Herodotus, you may remember the tale of an entire Roman legion that was nearly wiped out while attempting to descend a single-story staircase. (This was the first time stairs were used going down.)

As time marched forward, stairs became less dangerous. The handrail was invented, steps became uniform in size, and humans became more adept at scaling them. Today the only demographic in significant danger from stairs-related injury are children, and these injuries have been on the decline since the 1990s when baby walkers were all the rage. You know children—all cocksure, with bibs on at jaunty angles, thinking they can do the stairs because they’re wearing a plastic exoskeleton that gives them the power of locomotion.  If you have read your Herodotus you may recall that this period in history was called the “Grunge Era,” in part because of all those falling babies, I bet.

Even though most parenting experts now frown on exoskeletons for babies, children are still at high risk for pain-by-staircase, although accidents are at an all-time low. The annual rate for staircase injury has dropped from fifty-three in ten thousand to forty-three in ten thousand over the last ten years. So if you have ten thousand children, you get to keep ten more than you normally would, but I’m sure birds of prey will still take some.

A leading pediatrician had this to say—“Watch your kids.”


Source: Med Page Today


About the Author

<p>"Dr." J.P. HuxtaBULL completed several CPR and sewing courses in the former Soviet Union and has received honorary medical degrees from the University of Okoboji, Empire State University and Hudson College. He currently works as a sports physician for various underground fight clubs and lawn dart leagues.</p>