An Aussie Intervention

Researchers in the United States believe that Australia, as a nation, drinks too much. The American researchers would like to remind Australia that they aren’t criticizing the upside-down kangaroo-laden nation, but it’s just that American researchers love Australia and want what’s best for the country.

“According to our research,” said the researchers, “if everyone in Australia cut their drinking down by 6.4 liters, the country could save 789 million dollars, have one-third fewer deaths and diseases. They’d miss less work, too.”

“Also, Australia,” said the researchers. “Sometimes when you’re drunk, you say things that are hurtful.”

“You kind of owe New Zealand an apology for invading them when you were on that bender.”

“No, Australia. I don’t believe that dingos made you get drunk. You need to stop blaming everything on dingos.”

“Don’t walk out, Australia. Remember in the eighties when we were doing all that blow?” said the American researchers. “You and Qatar and Italy took us aside and got us the help we needed. And now look at us. We’re getting by. But sometimes, there are cravings. Sometimes.”

“Come on in for a hug, buddy. That’s it. Everything is going to be fine.”

Source: Medical News Today


About the Author

<p>"Dr." J.P. HuxtaBULL completed several CPR and sewing courses in the former Soviet Union and has received honorary medical degrees from the University of Okoboji, Empire State University and Hudson College. He currently works as a sports physician for various underground fight clubs and lawn dart leagues.</p>