Believe Everything You Read (On The Internet)

With the advent of the internet, patients are foregoing live doctors and diagnosing themselves with the help of websites such as WEB MD, the Mayo Clinic Online and maybe, even, possibly BULL Rx (I hope!). And for the most part, these websites do a very good job of helping the illness-saddled diagnose themselves for free.

However, most real-life doctors disagree with the above assessment. These flesh-and-blood doctors at brick-and-mortar, pay-for-treatment establishments claim that the internet is doing nothing but filling its readers with panic or “cyberchondria.” And that these health sites mislead the ill into believing that have more serious health problems than they actually do. Patients who self-diagnose suffer from heightened medical anxiety, and that anxiety could lead to further health problems. Therefore, according to real-life doctors, internet doctors are bad.

As an internet doctor myself, I would have to disagree with the real-life doctors here. Behold the following facts and evidence:
Fact: Even real-life doctors get their information from the internet. It is now the source of all information. It has been since the Library of Alexandria burned down and all the public libraries became filled with homeless people.

Fact: Books are heavy and can get rained on. The internet cannot.

Fact: Real-life doctors make their money by treating patients for cash. They have a vested interest seeing that you get sick again in order to make more money.

Fact: Internet doctors make their money through ad revenue. They have a vested interested in seeing you get well again so you can buy more Campbell’s Soup.

Fact: Real-life doctors are covered in germs and sometimes spit when they talk. Internet doctors are sterile and dry.

Fact: Real-life doctors don’t want to talk to you about the Matrix.

Fact: Internet doctors will never leave you shaking, cold, half-naked and alone at an abandoned bus stop. Internet doctors cannot understand why anyone would do those things.

Legal Note: “Dr.” J. P. HuxtaBULL is not an actual medical professional. It is likely that he is not a real person. He is a Tron.
Source: Amednews


About the Author

<p>"Dr." J.P. HuxtaBULL completed several CPR and sewing courses in the former Soviet Union and has received honorary medical degrees from the University of Okoboji, Empire State University and Hudson College. He currently works as a sports physician for various underground fight clubs and lawn dart leagues.</p>