Alice Kaltman

Alice Kaltman

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As you might’ve heard, Jonathan Franzen’s back at it with his latest novel about suburban angst and ennui. Save your money. Buy Dawg Towne by Alice Kaltman instead.… More

Dating

Dating

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When I was fifteen I slapped a state trooper and later that day my youth service counselor grabbed my arm so tight I had to listen. I needed to be like other girls, he said, even if I had to fake it.… More

Under the Bridge

Under the Bridge

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The reports would all say the same thing: that he had ventured here in violation of safety protocols. That his death, far from an accident, was the logical outcome of a cascade of mistakes, poor judgements, and bad decisions.… More

Mustache

Mustache

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He lights and drags. He passes it to you. You take it and inhale. You will do anything, you realize, and this thrills you more than it scares you.… More

Hard-Boiled Funeral

Hard-Boiled Funeral

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Back at the graveside, Larry was still dead. Incense burned and was wafted around, dirt got tossed in the grave.… More

All the Dead Things Come Back to Haunt Me After You Leave

All the Dead Things Come Back to Haunt Me After You Leave

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You asked me three times to clean the smudge off the ceiling. I said I would but I kept forgetting. I think this is one reason. … More

Home at the Stretch

Home at the Stretch

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One of my earliest memories is of my mother turning a baseball game on the radio while waiting for me to fall asleep for an afternoon nap.… More

Death Stalked Him Like a Matador

Death Stalked Him Like a Matador

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I knew then what it meant, to bleed slowly from the heart.… More

Trump Rally

Trump Rally

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I glance at my mom, who is squinting and fanning herself with a MAGA pamphlet, and I’m not sure how much she’s understanding. There are thousands of unmasked white people around us and I’m so paranoid my chest is throbbing, but this is precisely the point.… More

My Lost Decade

My Lost Decade

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I spilled milk where one was not supposed to spill milk, soiled myself at the most inopportune times, incessantly chewed a green rubber ring into a slobbery mess, and cried in the middle of church services, head after angry head turning to see my parents whisking me away down the center aisle. “Shhhh,” my parents whispered, but I knew they really wished to say, “Get yourself together, dude. You should see yourself right now!”… More

Two Stories

Two Stories

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34 is the slowest in the pool, which shouldn’t surprise anybody, because he’s new. He started swimming a month ago, probably because his mom told him to lose weight. He has these chubby cheeks, and his swimsuit is a size thirty-four, hence the name. All of us wear thirty-two or smaller, and 34’s suit hardly even fits as it is.… More

Did You Eat a Lot of Paint Chips as a Child?

Did You Eat a Lot of Paint Chips as a Child?

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A year ago he had no clue what it was like being a single parent or what it meant to run a small business. Then his wife decided their marriage wasn’t fulfilling. He didn’t blame her for wanting more. In order to live close to his children, he’d rented a studio apartment in the neighborhood near their school. The day he signed his lease the city reduced the library’s hours. He became even less. … More

Glass Wall

Glass Wall

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He saw her see him. Her face said: I know this person. Then he knew he was positively identified, though her expression didn’t change. Baffling she should still be here, still on campus, all these years later. In this gaudy, sun-drenched glass box. Except not really: that was obviously a student sitting beside her, working… More

Hippo Brain

Hippo Brain

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You can’t outrun being born poor anymore than a rabbit can outrun being born a rabbit. Get as far away as you like, you’ll still spend the rest of your days listening for the wolf at the door, watching for threatening shadows on the ground. Being poor is being hunted. Forever.… More

A Man, a Woman, & a Fetus Walk Into a Maternity Ward

A Man, a Woman, & a Fetus Walk Into a Maternity Ward

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The day my child came into this world lifeless and cold, I was writing jokes for my standup routine. I didn’t love the woman who was crying in the bed next to me. I mostly thought of her as the wrong end of a bottle of vodka or the face next to a trashcan. Sorry,… More

Urchin vs. Televangelist

Urchin vs. Televangelist

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I am coming to your city to save you, said the handsome man on the TV. He wagged his finger at the camera, at Gabriel and his corpulent mother fused to the pleather couch, and he said to them that he was coming to their city to save their souls. Mark the date! In fairness,… More

“The car had been through a reconstructed transmission, a busted carburetor, and was an absolute lush for Valvoline.” – Jordan Farmer, “Brothers”